Sowing the Seed

God, tonight I have done my part in initiating and taking the first step.

I do not know how the coming sessions will turn out, I don't know eventually it will work.

But 1 thing I know, is to go by Faith and Trusting You.
Lord, simply because You love so much more than I do.

Father there is no conditions to Your love and I pray that I may love through Your love.
God this is Your work and I want to do things Your way.
Lastly, I pray that I'll learn much too in the process of this mentoring.

God I pray not for the perfect partner, but that You transform me to be the ideal one.
Because with You, ALL things are possible.

To Love like You Love Me.

Amen.

~ God You keep reminding me of going by faith this day. Then help me Lord and while others fear stepping out into a new opportunity, the winner (in You) fears missing out on it.

A Hope and A Future

Importance of living with a focus meant the difference between living aimlessly and living with a goal in mind.

In this season for the past few weeks, much has been taught about Focused Living, about Mentoring, about Dedication. Herein boils down to the key question, have I been living these lessons in my life?

Thing is, no one really likes boundaries. The Adam in us has fallen short and death entered the world through sin, that came to all men. We have this urge in us to go against the very instructions set out to protect us which brings about the saying "Rules are meant to be broken". How untrue!

Surely we would have had that moment in our lives hoping to be carefree and the freedom to do what we want.

That getaway we longed for. That partner we prayed for. That job we sought after.

I think there is nothing wrong with these things we long for, but I guess boundaries are a must to safeguard ourselves. Be it the environment we are in either the office or otherwise; The amount of time we dedicate to the various appointments and roles we hold, we easily become victims of living without boundaries if we don't seriously consider what we live for.

Boundaries in life, determined by one's values and beliefs, points out a systematic overall direction to one's life.

King David's moment of unfocused living led to his sexual temptation of Bathsheba, eventually resulting in him slipping into greater sin of murder to satisfy his own pleasure. -  2 Sam 11

If King David, a Man after God's own heart could fall, how much more susceptible are the rest of us? This is more than a story in the bible, it became a life lesson for me; a gem in life's lessons to remind me to live with boundaries set out by the very focus or purpose I uphold in my life. 

To know why I am living is to know who I am living for and turning to Him to know how to live.

In every experience gained through the lives of others or a personal encounter, let us treasure these in our hearts.

Abraham and his miracle son, Isaac.
Moses and his years in the palace and in the desert place.
Noah and his ark-building years despite the ridicule.
So many are the characters in the Bible whom we can learn from their life experiences,
I see them as God's sharing with me, coaching me in handling life matters.

And the very model of life example is given to us in His Word, Jesus Christ Himself who lived for a focus, for a purpose. He knew very well the boundaries in His life.
The One who is Life and gave Life ought to be what my Life is all about.

Keep coming back to my Focus, that I may not lead a wasted life chasing after the things of this world.

My Confessions

No it's not something juicy about me or whatever you may think it is...

So before I rant, I must confess...
That there are and there were moments I really feel inadequate...
That I don't understand how I agreed to in the first place...
That I really needed a hole deep enough to put my head in and never face the world...
 and also,
That there are things and concepts I don't understand and I need help...
That I am only but Marcus and to admit defeat is giving in to the lies of the Evil One...
That I am not someone else I hope to be and Christ still loves me...
That in my weaknesses, Christ is truly glorified as He delivers me...
That God's plan for my life is learning through failures, through pains...
That I am who I am today because He planned to shape me His way...
That it's been the longest time I remembered coming down on my knees again...

Growing up wears me out.
Sometimes I wonder if I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole...

The sensations today just left that bad taste lingering for the most of the day...
On one hand, I just know in my head that it's about my perspective and attitude...
How I choose to see this experience would determine whether I truly learned something,
or simply taking it negatively and feeling defeated.

Thing is, I still can't get over today.
I claim to know, but I don't think I am convinced.
Giving up would be so much easier for me, to leave it behind and not burdened by it.
Definitely something I would give the world to avoid doing if I could...

Wouldn't that be all to simple?
Is it the right question to ask myself? "Why do I suck at it?"

Or I should be asking myself "How can I do better for the next attempt?"

Trust me when I say it's easier than done. I've been through this umpteen times myself.
But I really want us to know this when we feel down and defeated, ask the right question.

We do really badly in a test and asked "Is this really for me?"
Perhaps we should ask "Where have I gone wrong?"
We got rejected in a proposal and asked "Why doesn't God grant me my desire?"
Perhaps we should ask "God, then what do You have in store for me?"
We gave our best and yet failed to meet the mark and asked "Why God? Why me?"
Perhaps we should ask "God, what are You teaching me?"

I tell you God knows our every thought and need, why?
Just as I write this entry, this devotion came in through my email:

Handling Criticism the Right Way

When it comes to handling criticism the right way you must: 

(1) Demonstrate emotional and spiritual maturity. Exhaustion can affect the way you act when you're under pressure. Elijah slipped into depression because of it. Queen Jezebel hounded him relentlessly. Her opposition sapped his strength and caused him to say, '...It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life...' (1 Kings 19:4 KJV) Satan will take advantage of your weariness. When you're fatigued you can become overly sensitive and miss the opportunity for growth that comes with the criticism. 

(2) Realise that good people get criticised. Jesus was called a glutton (Matthew 11:19); a drinker (Luke 7:34); a friend of disreputable characters (Matthew 11:19). People whose opinions are set and whose thinking is off won't understand behaviour based on obedience to God. So when your ideas and values clash with theirs, try to be gracious. 

(3) Always keep a good attitude. Your own attitude can be more detrimental to you than somebody else's. You know what they say: 'A chip on your shoulder usually indicates wood higher up.' Peter writes: 'You have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to [God] who judges righteously.' (1 Peter 2:21-23 NKJV) 

Give it to God, and press on!

And hence I say, God really is right here. I know it's gonna take some time for me to sort my thoughts out but He allowed this devotion to be sent in just at the time I needed these words most...To know I have a higher Calling. Suppose this is how I can then see God's Grace for me and to realize how much I need to lean on His wisdom and understanding.

Much to process from the whole of today, being out for a good 15 hours is tiring.

And I have to say I never expected to discover the other side of people around, discoveries that I would never in my wildest imagination would expect. But it is definitely something I thank God for, for me to learn from...for me to understand you better...To appreciate the circumstances of our lives...

In the same light, I wonder how my friends would respond if they saw another side of me...Probably the other side of me you'd never imagined...Probably a side of me that once you discover, it blows your mind away...

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God I pray You put that fire of passion back in me again. I pray for understanding to acknowledge Your unique plans for my life and that remember the tongue holds the power of life and death. I ask of Your liberation of my mind, of these mental struggles within me. Lord I feel really inadequate after all that has happened, but I choose to put my faith in You that You will deliver me. Amen.

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When I don't speak to you, it doesn't imply that I don't desire to. Maybe I just don't know how to.

You Deserve

I just can't explain...

Things that happened beyond comprehension...
Prayers prayed that spoke right to someone's heart...
Needs felt that were met abundantly by God...

Despite the numerous proof of God's goodness and faithfulness,
yet I find myself still being uncertain and having that tinge of doubt.

Still learning more about myself...
I guess I am really afraid to try, or maybe more so afraid to fail.
Perhaps that's why...

To point everyone in the wrong direction is simply walking away in the opposite direction.

Owning a Collection of driving books doesn't make one a driver

-Insert here since Grace requested for this:

Questions are powerful tools. They can ignite hope and lead to new insights. They can also destroy hope and keep us stuck in bad assumptions. The key is to be intentional and choose our questions well.

Examples of bad questions:

1. Why does this always happen to me?
2. What did I do to deserve this?
3. What’s wrong with me?

  Here are five strategies for asking better, more empowering questions:

1. Become conscious of the questions you are asking yourself.
2. Evaluate these questions: are these good questions?
3. Be intentional and choose the better question.
4. Write down the answers your brain serves up.
5. Take action on these insights.

 http://michaelhyatt.com/007-the-importance-of-asking-the-right-question-podcast.html
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It can be a paradox sometimes.

But I see what You did there.
Because Life is far more than accumulating head knowledge;
Because Life is far more than having fellowship in the finest clothing;
Because Life is far more greater beyond ourselves;
Because Life is simply complex yet complexly simple.

God must know I need that wake up call, that nudge to realize that what we preach or say is REAL.
As I dwelt on the verse Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the Law of Christ. ~ Galatians 6:2, I am convinced that God does not want me to simply absorb these words for sake of preaching it.

Live it. 

I thought it is easy but the truth is that, application is way much tougher than we perceive it to be.
We try to negotiate with ourselves that God will show grace lah...It's okay...
I beg to differ.

His revelation:

My Grace is not for you to use as an excuse for your laziness or lack of discipline. My Grace is for those who give nothing less than what they have to offer yet falling short.

Salvation is free, but it doesn't come cheap. 

And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart. ~ Luke 2:51
Jesus was missing for 3 days. Mum and Dad found him and gave him a dressing down. The very boy who was thought to have been the ideal kid caught them off guard. 3 days. Perhaps we are like Jesus' parents many times. We try to pin the blame on others (and this began from Genesis during Adam and Eve's time). Key reminder here is Mary treasured all these things in her heart, something the Lord is reminding me this season. TREASURE THESE THINGS.

And it just didn't stop there for me this season. All the undeserving blessing. The unexpected allowance. The unmerited favor. The unprecedented portion. The unimaginable exchange rate.

The 1 lesson for me to learn to see His DEEDS in my NEEDS.

And Life seemed to tumble in to a mix of emotions...
First this, then that.
And tonight, learning that a NS friend has passed on in his sleep isn't helping much.
How frail Life can be. As I read through his FB timeline how people are commenting and giving their condolences and last words, I stopped at a post before his death.

How often we take one another for granted? 

This just reinforced all the more what I ought to do. Die trying Marcus. Die trying.
Because it's going to hurt even more knowing you let the opportunity slip by.

So much to learn, so little time to comprehend.
Abba, I need Your wisdom; to lean on Your understanding.

Jesus, be the Centre of my Life. Hold me and never let me go.

Growing Up (and still growing)

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
Call on Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the Lord,
and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, " declares the Lord.

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than Your thoughts.

Heavenly Father, I need Your divine intervention; Your wisdom.
Lord, I pray You strengthen me in a time as such.
Father I ask that You show Yourself strong.

OPEN MY EYES, THAT I MAY SEE AND PERCEIVE.
OPEN MY EARS, THAT I MAY HEAR AND UNDERSTAND.

For Lack of Understanding

God, why tonight? Why me?

Perhaps too much for me to bear but I sense You have something to say.

I'll probably lose sleep, I'll probably be thinking over and over.
But I pray You say something, show me a sign.
Tell me why though I know Your ways are higher.

This is part of the growing up process?
I figure You really put me through all these for Your very reason.
Life's really not just sitting in a comfortable seat every Sunday anymore.

I can only run to You all the more,
What I do not know, I'll trust You to lead.
What I do know, I commit to You to grant mercy.
Lord, please don't let all that I've learned of You come to naught.

So much going through my mind right now.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the Law of Christ. ~ Galatians 6:2


God why now? Why?

The Extra Mile(s)

And I know in my heart that all the effort gone into tonight's fellowship was not in vain because the Lord was with us.

I know all the sacrifices is worth it all because unity is formed and fellowship in Christ is priceless.

I know all the hardwork is not worthy of mention because I saw how the leaders truly have a heart and love for the cell.

I know all these is not possible, without the Lord.

So thank You God for tonight and the time of fellowship in the cell, thank You for blessing the Shins to bless us all thank You for each and every loving leader of the cell, and thank You Lord for every single precious member.

Thank You Jesus.

Unearthing in progress

Perhaps this is really my true calling?

I honestly dare not glance down the path that this decision would take me on...
Full-time into God's work? Yes I know we are called to be full time Christian. 24/7.

But Full-fledged worker of the Lord? I'd confess my faith is probably like the size of a nano-particle.
Dealing with this is hard. I suppose it's me, getting it all wrong and mixed up.

But honestly, I find more enthusiasm and joy in encouraging people in their faith journey; equipping myself to better equip others for the Lord's work; serving in any capacity within the body of Christ and so on. I dare say that the knowledge I have gained from my engineering background have helped me much along the way yet I don't think I can say that I did truly enjoy the work and the process.

Sigh.

Back to the tasks on-hand.

Abba Father, I take joy in serving You. I will choose to go to the ends of the earth to further Your Kingdom over being yoked by the competitive lifestyle here where I was raised. Nonetheless, I want to surrender these concerns, these thoughts to You. Simply Father, You know the plans You have for Your child. Plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give a hope and a future.

I claim it. I love You Lord. Lead me I pray.

Roots of intimacy brings forth fruit of performance in worship

Fizzz

Of late, my mind has been like a can of coke violently shaken. (You know what I mean)

 I may just be saying this over and over again but I'm seeing what God is doing in me and my life.
Before, I always saw God's plan and mine as 2 separate entities and having to pray to God that He'll show me grace and choose mine.

Time went by and I think I've changed. For real. I have learned to take my plan before God and lay it at the Cross. I would rather choose His will and pray that instead of just picking my plan, that God You have the BEST for me and I claim that BY FAITH, and go in peace in His leading.

I suppose this has to start somewhere. God if You're going to put me on this path, then I pray You make the way forth for me. I really really don't want to go down this road to learn a costly mistake.

I trust in You Lord.

The Lord his God

So much has been happening, both around and inside me.

Probably feels like a popcorn making machine inside my head (and my heart too).

It is eye-opening to see how God takes one (me actually) on a journey and to TASTE and SEE personally.

And getting involved in the 40-day spiritual formation program, I found myself handed various tasks as the days go by. But if there was any progress I've made, it definitely would be the attitude in receiving.
Receiving these tasks regardless of their glamor, is God's way of molding me, preparing me.

Plus it doesn't help when matters-of-the-heart comes knocking on the door this season. I pondered whether this would be censored here but I guess no, since I treat this as my platform of journal. But no worries to my readers, no names gonna be mentioned here =)

Indeed the Word of God holds many gems and treasures. Do not be mistaken, do not be deceived. The BIBLE is the very Word of our God. A possibility why we doubt what it says because we can't and never be able to comprehend God totally. His ways are higher and He knows exactly what He is doing.

Having to spend my holidays doing school project and completing tasks in church and ministry, I have learned to see things from His perspective. Why am I doing all these? Why don't I use my time to do things that I want to do?

I could, if I lived for myself. The plain and simple truth. If we claim to live for Jesus, to give ourselves to God, then perhaps a good start point is to serve Him with gladness and joy in the very tasks we are given.

And nothing beats the joy of seeing the younger ones coming day after day for the 40-Day S.F.
I pray the 7 of them who have chosen to give this 40 days to God will find Him, find themselves set on fire with a passion for Him and His Kingdom.

Coming back to the hearty-matter, I find myself struggling. Struggling because I'm afraid of my First Love will go out of focus, I'm afraid because I may find myself loving another person more than God Himself. And I know I cannot afford to let that happen. Easy to say, hard to apply. But I keep praying and I'll press on, I'll resolve to overcoming this through surrendering to Him.

Definition of Love has been redefined for me many times. Before knowing God and after, I seek to know the true measure of Love and what it means to really love. I thank God I have gained much insight of the years but I think I have more to comprehend. And I won't stop finding out.

All in all, God is good and has been good to me. I thank You Lord because even when I don't deserve, You still gave. I won't know what is ahead for me and what is coming for me, but one thing I know, I can and I will and I choose to trust You Lord.

Focus Focus

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
In the light of His glory and grace

Isn't He beautiful?
Isn't He beautiful?
Outshining sun and stars
It's indescribable
How breathtaking You are

So I turn my eyes upon You now
Look full in Your wonderful face
And the things of earth
They grow strangely dim
In the light of Your glory and grace
In the light of Your glory and grace

You are so beautiful
You are so beautiful
Outshining sun and stars
It's indescribable
How breathtaking You are

 

Turn Your Eyes - Vicky Beeching

Lead Worship, Live Worship.

As always, a powerful experience having fellowship with S&R.

Though this time was just a tea-time huddle fellowship, I deemed it as one of the more powerful fellowships I have had. Authentic and genuine. Yes everyone sure have a different story to tell, but it was a time of iron-sharpen-iron and I have been blessed and encouraged.

It encouraged me because each and every individual present had the shepherd's heart and burden,
because we knew well in our hearts that the worship ministry is beyond the onstage "performance",
because despite our differences and perspectives, we desired a similar outcome.

No doubt the food was excellent and possibly the perfect setting for a time of afternoon fellowship, I think we all agreed that the time couldn't have been better spent coming together sharing our lives and how we are.

Striking home an important reminder once more, SHEPHERDING OUR SOULS.

I pray that every spiritual shepherd out there, will have the desire to care for the souls of those entrusted under.

We love because He first loved us.

Thank You Jesus, for this wonderful awesome day. For the unimaginable that you had to do for me.

You died for me, help me to live for You.

Going home

In less than 48 hours, i'll be packing up my room in hall 4 for the final time. Previously, there'd be a major transition between each acad year involving through-the-night shifting. Not this year, not anymore in the near shifter.

And definitely the many memories I'm packing up and bringing home with me. The countless makan trips made on various counts of wheels, the relentless acad demands taking a toll, the late night meetups with dear church peeps who live in the west, travelling back to 'home' with the westies and so much more...

I am happy to say that i'll be bringing home the sweet memories, choosing to leave the bad ones behind. And the reality of life and aging has set in over the past few years, through my years in hall. How soon the coming of the day that I'll be moving out of home, be it as a single or as a newlywed (I hope it's the latter though).

Having said much, I'm gonna miss the west!