We Are The Reason

What I live for.

Stay Rested

Despite being a long weekend, it doesn't feels like it.
One can simply tell by reading my previous entry.
Plagued with typos in an attempt to blog before I nod off. LOL.

The busying on Good Friday.
The need to return to office on Sat.
The busying again on Sunday.

Things I've learned & appreciated along the way, yet I have to examine my lifestyle.
I want to be mindful of what I am choosing in life.
Else, I fall into a vicious cycle of losing my connectivity with Him.

And I fear that so often.
I fear that I lose the sensitivity to hear God in the hardening environment of my workplace.
I fear that I lose the passion & desire to wait upon the Lover of my Soul.

So I will keep my eyes fixed on high and far above.
To a Savior who gave ALL of Himself for me.
For Him I will choose to live my life.

GOOD FRIDAY

What I don't deserve.

It has been a loooong day. Up early in the morning for last min lrevisions to the sermonette, then off to church for Team1 practice. Thereafter was Good Friday Service, and yes I was giving a short sermon.

Then after service ended, there was practice for Sunday. To think i skipped breakfast & lunch, and it's always hard to imagine!

It has been a great day.
Thank You Lord :)

OH THAT RUGGED CROSS

Oh that rugged cross my salvation 
Where Your love poured out over me 
Now my soul cries out hallelujah 
Praise and honour unto Thee 


Song that has been playing through the week in my car.
A timely reminder.
Where I am & why I am.

In less than 24 hours, I'd be up on the pulpit sharing my 2nd sermonette.
A sermonette that God has used my life's circumstance to speak to me.
I can only pray that my focus be fixed on Him and not on my situation.

Just today, things went to a whole new level.
"If you were in Korea, you'd be dead" was the remark.

You know how people used to read of encouragements like
Obeying God even though we do not understand why.
Easy to say, hard to practice. So true.

Here's something to share from last night:

Harder I try, deeper it gets

Guess I better pen it down. Elsewhere.

Self-Correcting

So apparent that a leader is supposed to be able self-direct; self-counsel; self-correct.
Question is, to what standards? By whose guidance? And how does one knows he's there?

1. The Holy Spirit. The God-Partnering Spirit (GPS), is the only device a Christian leader ought to follow. A GPS in this case, is better than an actual one. The Holy Spirit is one who constantly guides a Godly leader, especially when he's lost.

I guess it really applies much to me, in this season where there's so much darkness. It's funny how every season of darkness that shrouds me seem to be bigger than the previous one. Toughest thing to do, probably to really listen to Him and obey.

2. The Bible. The infallible Word of God (Yes I still don't get that definition). But I guess one thing I have experienced in the last 8 years, is that the Word must come to life through application. It is so much more than celebrating the victories and the joys read, the pains and the brokenness. It is in the pain; the sorrow; the defeats, that showed me so much of God.

I will always remember the principles I've picked up along the way in reading the Bible. Pointers that I have kept deep in my heart because they have taught me much and shaped me who I am today through life's experiences. My life experiences.

3. The Counsel. Thank God for the loveliest and dearest peoples in my life. Those who loved me for who I am, and those who showed me who really loved me. People who God must have placed along my life to point me back to Him.

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I really don't think I deserve to be where I am, I don't.

Trust

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this;   ~ Psalms 37:3-5

This weekend wasn't exactly much of a slowdown to rest. Think I have to get really intentional for the next one. Especially if I'm feeling like I'm leaking already =S

Much I do not understand. But there is someone up high who does.
So I will ask; I will seek; I will wait.
But that takes time, takes intentional effort, takes space & silence.

Can't get enough of it. Can't wait for the day to come.

A Realization

The greatest blow is not in the knowing.
It lies in the assumption that every effort was made;
that one has been trying to do things the 'right' way;
that a given input should naturally come a given output.

But sorry, that's just not how God works.

Passion & Compassion

It sums it all. This season of waiting upon You.
Somehow, every occurrence and event is only a part of Your greater plan.

Perhaps this is a confirmation; a sign from You for me to move in 2013.
You know too well how I feel inside me, and I'm glad You do even without me telling You.

In a way, I feel helpless that there is nothing I can do much to change the situation. Yet, I'm learning from the journey of not being in control, and watching You come through. Frankly, I wouldn't hesitate a single bit if You were to call me out this instant. But I suppose it doesn't always happen the way I envision it to be.

Another sign I picked up today: Emotional distance. The last 3 weeks really isn't the best season for me. A topic that some probably feel that it is His timing for this season. Perhaps? I don't know if that applies to myself. Not anymore. If there is 1 thing that I picked up about pleasing Him, it is the fact that my heart's desire must firstly be God Himself & not necessarily the girl of my life whom I think I desire. To stop living a false illusion that there is a girl of my heart's desire out there waiting. He didn't exactly promise that right?

Calling the grapes sour or choosing to avoid. I feel like I have been doing all I can. I can't say I have surrendered it, but I choose to lay it down. It is wearing me and getting to me. It isn't healthy, and something has to be done about it. I guess I'm just too stubborn to seek help about this, I'll just manage along.

On a side note, maybe He is more interested in another facade of my life currently. It seemed like in the past weeks He has been reminding me, and it seems to have become clearer now. No doubt about it, Ps Benny has done a marvelous job presenting the issue of a typical modern BGR concept in the local church context, yet the sorely-lacking education of God-centeredness is resounding in me. The fact that a God-honouring relationship ought to show signs of spiritual growth and maturity between the two willing boy & girl coming together.

It is pretty darn obvious that it is getting to me. I fear it'll get worse and consume me. Doesn't help the fact that time isn't exactly on my side & I feel like I've not been coming back to my Source. I'm glad for the coming 2 weekend breaks. Maybe some time by myself will do me good. Just You & me, away to a far place where no one will find us.

I know I'm not quite the goody guy, but I pray that least I give my best. There is just so much ahead for me to work on, and I should be thankful that God is giving me the grace & time & space to uncover slowly each aspect of my life that needs to be surrendered to Him.

"So that You may live a life worthy of the Lord..."

Grate-full

Perhaps it is a reminder to be thankful.

Not the way I imagined it to be, but surely He has His kreative ways.

Note to self: salt & light of the world. And that means first to be in the midst of the darkness, cause that's where the smallest flame shines the brightest.

The Lucky Guy

A call to surrender. Everything.

A Change that remains unchanged

"But first you must risk it before God in prayer."

I guess I still refuse to let it go, and hold on to it even stronger.
Like a stubborn little brat who refuses to move away from the aisle of toys in the department store,
I guess the only coping mechanism at this point is putting myself at a distance.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Hard as I try, the hurt is still seemingly buried somewhere deep down.
And it surfaces every now and then, I can only suppress it the best I can.
I tell myself perhaps it is a journey I have to go through it, but in reality I wish I never have to.
Never.

So I have decided, perhaps this would be the best idea.
Maybe not for everyone, least for me.

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It seemed to have to do with everyone, but it has nothing to do with anyone.
It seemed to matter more than anything, but it has no more impact than any other matter.
I can only pray that this decision to be made, will in no way upset the heart of God.

By My Side

No one else would ever do.
I got a stubborn heart for you.

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I attribute his success to his ability to echo what most hearts yearn for.
Apart from his own experiences & journey, his talented voice easily wins hearts over.

Maybe in some way, our faith journey is like that.
The spillover; the overflow of God's fragrance in our lives that draws souls.
The authenticity of one's love for another.

No one else would ever do.

I think God is funny...

I am quite surprised at the reactions over the weekend. Is it really that unexpected for me to feel this way?

I am only human. I recognize my limits and I pray that I will acknowledge the same in others. Something about Sunday's message that I can't explain.

Yet it is funny how it showed me how much love there is around me.

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For sure I want to press on; I will press on.
Only but God enables me to. John 15:5.

Each turn of the road

It leads to a new discovery. Sudden reminder of the journey Frodo was on. The calling. The decision to take up the call. The formation of the fellowship. The unpredictable dangers of the enemy lurking around or the wrath of nature elements.

It reminds me of my calling for living on earth. It reminds me of why I have all that past unique experiences that only Marcus will have, and the future ones to come.

"A gift in every experience."

The line that has kept my head up and Faith in God who has every right and superior wisdom to place me where I am in this season. The journey thus far may have been cluttered with battle scars and wounds. Yet they only serve to remind me that I have emerged stronger in Faith; recognising the Almighty God in my lofe; and mistakes that myself or no one else should make again.

"With a pinch of salt."

Was a quote I knew only last night at Kyra. I choose to believe that He led me that so that He can sum up this week's work to me. A pinch of salt.

To be honest, I would want to throw in the towel at the first opportunity I see. But the fact that God's plan & timing matters most to me than how I feel, or how I would want things to be. There will be times I feel like I don't deserve all these nonsense and put-down's and shoutings, yet a small voice in me calls out to remind me that when Jesus was crucified, He too didn't deserve it. Yet He was obedient, even to the point of death.

"Enjoy the little things. Rule 32."

This seems a little trivial but it really made much difference to the journey thus far. The car rides. The times together alone. The constant mindfulness of the presence. It is all these that have made it possible for me to keep going.

"Recognizing my limits."

To recognize my limits, is to acknowledge that God is limit-less, there is no end or stopping of God. And when this happened this week, it caused me to really want to pause in life and consider my commitment. Till date, some people might conclude that it is better to say no. But I know that I will say yes, and by Faith leave it to Him to open the door and provide for me along the way. Isn't that the Faith mentality of the 5 loaves & 2 fish?

All in all, it has been 8 years 1 month 25 days. The Lord is Good & Faithful, and I can only pray that He uses someone so undeserving like me and in His love for me, to allow me to love others out of His love for me.

He died so that I may live.