L.O.V.E.

The biggest topic of the season. At least I thought it was so for me. Until I realize God meant it in a different manner. One that showed me the worst side of myself. One that reminded myself how badly I needed His Great love.

He had already spoke quite clearly once back then. I knew it but I guess I refused to accept it. The part of me that needs to be corrected; to cut off. So why this revelation? I still do not know, but I have come to accept that though I don't, I will trust and obey.

If it means to give up my dreams and desires. If it means to learn to get real with my fears and failures. If it means to find myself in a whole new environment.

To put it bluntly, God has been pretty nasty to me. Sorry I don't have a better description for it but yes, nasty. In almost every significant event/moment/season of my life, there is always that mark of failure. A scar that sticks with me till today, thanks to the superb long-term memory He gave me too. Yes I tend to remember things very well, and for a very long, long, long time.

I must say it has been an eventful 6 months. A season filled with much learning and experiencing. Fear and Failure have seem to find familiarity with me. Can I call myself a man of failures? Hmmm...I guess I'll learn that soon. But coming back to my point, yes the last 6 months I would sum up as amazingly good. After all, God who loves me is the same God who saved me =)

It's such irony that I distaste the fact that He put me through all that failures and seasons of valley yet I find stuff to be thankful for. Stuff that some might never understand in their entire living. I guess that's just me. That's just how God meant for me to be.

So Lord please keep my heart tender, regardless of how much more 'crap' I have to go through. Because I see Your hand in every situation and Your provision and providence always comes through. Because I am better owing to the fact that You meant it all good for those You love.
Because I don't want to miss out on what You are doing in and through my life.

When God says yes, He is increasing my faith.
When God says no, He has something better.
When God says wait, He is increasing my patience. 

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.