Come Monday I embark on this journey of discovery. Again. One that I actually missed doing. One that taught me beyond I could imagine. One that reinforced much needed foundations in my growing. One that showed me the definition of discipline. One that I believe, He has planned for me this season.
Cause in Him, there is a time for everything.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
A dose of pain
Today I had my feet wet. 2 separate sessions of getting hollered at littered with verbal abuse. But I'm thankful, for learning to practise His presence for the past months.
It kept me calm; at peace; and more importantly objective. No doubt the immediate issue is dealt with, I am learning so much more as I process it.
Why are these dudes so angst? Why the need to abuse someone verbally? How likely will I leak in one way or another in my life? Who is going to suffer if I am not mindful?
Thanking You, cause there is a gift in everything. :)
It kept me calm; at peace; and more importantly objective. No doubt the immediate issue is dealt with, I am learning so much more as I process it.
Why are these dudes so angst? Why the need to abuse someone verbally? How likely will I leak in one way or another in my life? Who is going to suffer if I am not mindful?
Thanking You, cause there is a gift in everything. :)
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
All I can
Is to do my best to know you more.
Doesn't matter how it may be, as long as I know I tried, to my best.
And tonight I find myself, smack in the center of doing what I longed to do all these while, and I can only give thanks for the privilege and opportunity to do so.
#Reminder: every life is worthy, and capable of greatness.
Doesn't matter how it may be, as long as I know I tried, to my best.
And tonight I find myself, smack in the center of doing what I longed to do all these while, and I can only give thanks for the privilege and opportunity to do so.
#Reminder: every life is worthy, and capable of greatness.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Decision and Commitment
Tonight I took the step of Faith. I know maybe it's not the wisest choice but I have experienced the good out of it, and I will commit myself to it. To finish this is not about pride, not just about head knowledge. I will finish it because I want to know You better. Since things have unfolded this way, I am sure You have something planned for me. So I dedicate this season to You, to Your plans for me.
If I don't know you more, I can't love you more.
If I love you more, I want to know you more.
On another note, I am feeling so much of God's goodness and providence for 2013. I am still wondering the verse of the year for me. To live worthy of the Lord. I suppose the season of testing will come eventually. Meantime, enjoy and soak in His goodness, and keep close to Him.
Amen.
---------------------------------------
Maybe you are right after all.
If I don't know you more, I can't love you more.
If I love you more, I want to know you more.
On another note, I am feeling so much of God's goodness and providence for 2013. I am still wondering the verse of the year for me. To live worthy of the Lord. I suppose the season of testing will come eventually. Meantime, enjoy and soak in His goodness, and keep close to Him.
Amen.
---------------------------------------
Maybe you are right after all.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Into the Unknown
Detachments and Attachments.
To press on and move forward into the unknown; through the Wall. I know surely He has great things in store for those who stay faithful and remain true in their love for Him, He who loves much.
Wait. I will be a waiter.
Who am I is no longer as important as Whose am I.
There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned.
To press on and move forward into the unknown; through the Wall. I know surely He has great things in store for those who stay faithful and remain true in their love for Him, He who loves much.
Wait. I will be a waiter.
Who am I is no longer as important as Whose am I.
There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned.
Monday, January 21, 2013
L.O.V.E.
The biggest topic of the season. At least I thought it was so for me. Until I realize God meant it in a different manner. One that showed me the worst side of myself. One that reminded myself how badly I needed His Great love.
He had already spoke quite clearly once back then. I knew it but I guess I refused to accept it. The part of me that needs to be corrected; to cut off. So why this revelation? I still do not know, but I have come to accept that though I don't, I will trust and obey.
If it means to give up my dreams and desires. If it means to learn to get real with my fears and failures. If it means to find myself in a whole new environment.
To put it bluntly, God has been pretty nasty to me. Sorry I don't have a better description for it but yes, nasty. In almost every significant event/moment/season of my life, there is always that mark of failure. A scar that sticks with me till today, thanks to the superb long-term memory He gave me too. Yes I tend to remember things very well, and for a very long, long, long time.
I must say it has been an eventful 6 months. A season filled with much learning and experiencing. Fear and Failure have seem to find familiarity with me. Can I call myself a man of failures? Hmmm...I guess I'll learn that soon. But coming back to my point, yes the last 6 months I would sum up as amazingly good. After all, God who loves me is the same God who saved me =)
It's such irony that I distaste the fact that He put me through all that failures and seasons of valley yet I find stuff to be thankful for. Stuff that some might never understand in their entire living. I guess that's just me. That's just how God meant for me to be.
So Lord please keep my heart tender, regardless of how much more 'crap' I have to go through. Because I see Your hand in every situation and Your provision and providence always comes through. Because I am better owing to the fact that You meant it all good for those You love.
Because I don't want to miss out on what You are doing in and through my life.
When God says yes, He is increasing my faith.
When God says no, He has something better.
When God says wait, He is increasing my patience.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
He had already spoke quite clearly once back then. I knew it but I guess I refused to accept it. The part of me that needs to be corrected; to cut off. So why this revelation? I still do not know, but I have come to accept that though I don't, I will trust and obey.
If it means to give up my dreams and desires. If it means to learn to get real with my fears and failures. If it means to find myself in a whole new environment.
To put it bluntly, God has been pretty nasty to me. Sorry I don't have a better description for it but yes, nasty. In almost every significant event/moment/season of my life, there is always that mark of failure. A scar that sticks with me till today, thanks to the superb long-term memory He gave me too. Yes I tend to remember things very well, and for a very long, long, long time.
I must say it has been an eventful 6 months. A season filled with much learning and experiencing. Fear and Failure have seem to find familiarity with me. Can I call myself a man of failures? Hmmm...I guess I'll learn that soon. But coming back to my point, yes the last 6 months I would sum up as amazingly good. After all, God who loves me is the same God who saved me =)
It's such irony that I distaste the fact that He put me through all that failures and seasons of valley yet I find stuff to be thankful for. Stuff that some might never understand in their entire living. I guess that's just me. That's just how God meant for me to be.
So Lord please keep my heart tender, regardless of how much more 'crap' I have to go through. Because I see Your hand in every situation and Your provision and providence always comes through. Because I am better owing to the fact that You meant it all good for those You love.
Because I don't want to miss out on what You are doing in and through my life.
When God says yes, He is increasing my faith.
When God says no, He has something better.
When God says wait, He is increasing my patience.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Just another (sun)day
Things to really ponder over. Over the last 48hours. The fact that I overthink doesn't help...
The cell dinner.
The timely sermon preached today.
The horrific sight at the coffeeshop.
The 40family briefing.
The soccer game.
The badminton session.
It is good to really be still and wait upon Him. Cause it is in the stillness where we hear Him.
The cell dinner.
The timely sermon preached today.
The horrific sight at the coffeeshop.
The 40family briefing.
The soccer game.
The badminton session.
It is good to really be still and wait upon Him. Cause it is in the stillness where we hear Him.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Amazement
It all balances up.
The more undeserving I am,
The more it magnifies Your love.
The more You are providing,
The more I can testify of Your grace.
The more You show up in my life,
The more I see Your faithfulness.
--------------------------------------
The best person to share about You,
is the one who has experienced you.
The prodigal son; The first and the last;
The rich young ruler; The sowing of seeds;
The camel and the needle eye;
The buried pearl and treasure;
The shrewd manager;
The ungrateful servant;
The unfaithful keeper;
The good samaritan;
The foundation of the house...
Own their own, an element seems to make only so much logic.
Put them together, I see deeper than that.
A privilege God has given.
Lord I am amazed by You,
And I choose to live daily in Your grace.
The good and the bad times.
Always.
The more undeserving I am,
The more it magnifies Your love.
The more You are providing,
The more I can testify of Your grace.
The more You show up in my life,
The more I see Your faithfulness.
--------------------------------------
The best person to share about You,
is the one who has experienced you.
The prodigal son; The first and the last;
The rich young ruler; The sowing of seeds;
The camel and the needle eye;
The buried pearl and treasure;
The shrewd manager;
The ungrateful servant;
The unfaithful keeper;
The good samaritan;
The foundation of the house...
Own their own, an element seems to make only so much logic.
Put them together, I see deeper than that.
A privilege God has given.
Lord I am amazed by You,
And I choose to live daily in Your grace.
The good and the bad times.
Always.
Friday, January 18, 2013
My definition of history
Probably "those forgiven much, loves much" applies to me. As my past resurfaces in my mind, it doesn't just come back as a passing thought. It stays and the impression grows stronger and stronger.
Like I said, the kind of history that I have accumulated. Most people may never kmow in my lifetime. It sometimes come to a point that I wonder if Christ dying on the cross for me can really redeem me.
Things that if you knew, you'd never see me the same way again. AGAIN. That's just who I am. That's just how much I view the Love from God for me. I can't change what has already happened and shaped me, but I suppose the next step is my part to play to ask Him to change me.
Like I said, the kind of history that I have accumulated. Most people may never kmow in my lifetime. It sometimes come to a point that I wonder if Christ dying on the cross for me can really redeem me.
Things that if you knew, you'd never see me the same way again. AGAIN. That's just who I am. That's just how much I view the Love from God for me. I can't change what has already happened and shaped me, but I suppose the next step is my part to play to ask Him to change me.
Battlefield
As I have anticipated, it gets worse.
Times I would think it's better and other times I just get really affected.
I don't have a solution and I hope I'm not putting up a false front.
Yet i know I can't afford to reveal what really is going in in me.
Thia is what I think is unhealthy emotional condition.
On another note: i think my calling is getting clearer. Getting what I don't deserve. Never forget that.
Times I would think it's better and other times I just get really affected.
I don't have a solution and I hope I'm not putting up a false front.
Yet i know I can't afford to reveal what really is going in in me.
Thia is what I think is unhealthy emotional condition.
On another note: i think my calling is getting clearer. Getting what I don't deserve. Never forget that.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Don't have to understand to trust
Some things are better explained.
Yet some are better left unsaid.
In the things I can change, be bold to.
In the things I can't, be at rest.
A life worth living is a life worth of the Lord. It is a whole hearted pursuit of Him regardless the joys and pains; the UPs and DOWNs. I pray that I'll stick on in this race.
Success is defined as being faithful to Your purpose.
Yet some are better left unsaid.
In the things I can change, be bold to.
In the things I can't, be at rest.
A life worth living is a life worth of the Lord. It is a whole hearted pursuit of Him regardless the joys and pains; the UPs and DOWNs. I pray that I'll stick on in this race.
Success is defined as being faithful to Your purpose.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Alignment
Tried denying this but hey, He's always gonna win right?
So aligning my heart to His heart in 2013. The work has already begun. Certain plans have come to mind and I can only say, wait on Him to reveal. Till then, I choose to believe the FIRE will come. A fire that will never go out.
As HillsongConf2013 puts it aptly, Revival.
So aligning my heart to His heart in 2013. The work has already begun. Certain plans have come to mind and I can only say, wait on Him to reveal. Till then, I choose to believe the FIRE will come. A fire that will never go out.
As HillsongConf2013 puts it aptly, Revival.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Shroud of Darkness
Right now, my mind feels like a tomato tossed into a blender going at maximum power.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Togetherness
Because it is a good reminder.
Maybe I've seem to get ahead of myself.
To learn more about myself; to learn to love myself more is the first step to loving others and loving God. It'd have sounded wrong to me had I not gone into EHS. EHS has been like a calibration instrument, slowly but surely correcting much of my perceived thinkings that were keeping me back from going deeper with God.
Probably many ministries out there in SG are focused much on soul-winning programs and strategies, which are definitely God's heartbeat. But in this season, I thank God for this season in EHS. Because I believe with all my heart, that God will use WRPF/YAY! all to His glory as we get in touch with a side of us that we have cast aside for too long.
And I begin a journey of knowing more about myself. The good and nice parts. The terrible and disgusting parts. The proudest and shameful experiences. God doesn't just want the goody side I'm sure. He wants them all. And for me to be where I am, is all along a testimony of His grace. So yes, there shouldn't be a single worry for the future cause in the first place, I shouldn't have be here without the grace and love and mercy of my Lord Jesus Christ.
God has used wrpf to love me to where I am today. And now God wants me to love wrpf to where He wants it to be. To love my church to a greater church :)
Maybe I've seem to get ahead of myself.
To learn more about myself; to learn to love myself more is the first step to loving others and loving God. It'd have sounded wrong to me had I not gone into EHS. EHS has been like a calibration instrument, slowly but surely correcting much of my perceived thinkings that were keeping me back from going deeper with God.
Probably many ministries out there in SG are focused much on soul-winning programs and strategies, which are definitely God's heartbeat. But in this season, I thank God for this season in EHS. Because I believe with all my heart, that God will use WRPF/YAY! all to His glory as we get in touch with a side of us that we have cast aside for too long.
And I begin a journey of knowing more about myself. The good and nice parts. The terrible and disgusting parts. The proudest and shameful experiences. God doesn't just want the goody side I'm sure. He wants them all. And for me to be where I am, is all along a testimony of His grace. So yes, there shouldn't be a single worry for the future cause in the first place, I shouldn't have be here without the grace and love and mercy of my Lord Jesus Christ.
God has used wrpf to love me to where I am today. And now God wants me to love wrpf to where He wants it to be. To love my church to a greater church :)
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
New
A gift in every experience. Pure blessing.
A new experience, part of a greater experience. In my short time on earth, He is working in me to prepare me for an eternity of fellowship :)
A new experience, part of a greater experience. In my short time on earth, He is working in me to prepare me for an eternity of fellowship :)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
How to deal with it
I honestly do not know.
EHS couldn't have come at a more perfect timing. I'm fearful that EHS might just uncover a side of me that perhaps I never want to see again, or bringing back the emotions that I once thought would be good to lay deep down somewhere inside of me.
EHS has been piercing me through and through with every statement and truth read. It is as though it was written for me to the point that I now question my First Love all these while.
I guess there are 2 choices ahead of me: Run from Him or Run to Him.
EHS couldn't have come at a more perfect timing. I'm fearful that EHS might just uncover a side of me that perhaps I never want to see again, or bringing back the emotions that I once thought would be good to lay deep down somewhere inside of me.
EHS has been piercing me through and through with every statement and truth read. It is as though it was written for me to the point that I now question my First Love all these while.
I guess there are 2 choices ahead of me: Run from Him or Run to Him.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
I'm grateful for this EHS, just as I am for the other courses and teachings along the way.
I realized that in the beginning years of my spiritual journey, I was on a dependent mode. From sermons to bible studies to teachings to workshops, it was eating off the plates of others who are before me and thank God for their willingness to impart their gems of wisdom with me.
Beneath all the layers of ministry and service, I must say it was the willingness of one Godly man who stuck by me, who chose to give me what i needed to hear rather than what i wanted to hear, and being faithful to meet, follow up and pray with me.
Then few years later, it became evident that I needed to move from dependency to self-feeding as I struggled to keep the flames burning in me.
Each season has brought itself spiritual giants into my life, giants right from the leader of the church himself to even the people who may seem to be just serving in the background. But it was through all the experiences that have molded me and shaped me into who I am today, and I must never forget the love and patience of these people whom God has brought into my life.
Now in the season of EHS, God spoke right into the opening session of dealing with my emotional health. And interestingly, He was already preparing me since earlier in the day. Furthermore, His knowing of what I struggle within has made this EHS all the more timely, as though it was meant for me.
So as I open myself up to vulnerability and learning to be true to God about my emotions, I pray that a healing process has already begun.
I realized that in the beginning years of my spiritual journey, I was on a dependent mode. From sermons to bible studies to teachings to workshops, it was eating off the plates of others who are before me and thank God for their willingness to impart their gems of wisdom with me.
Beneath all the layers of ministry and service, I must say it was the willingness of one Godly man who stuck by me, who chose to give me what i needed to hear rather than what i wanted to hear, and being faithful to meet, follow up and pray with me.
Then few years later, it became evident that I needed to move from dependency to self-feeding as I struggled to keep the flames burning in me.
Each season has brought itself spiritual giants into my life, giants right from the leader of the church himself to even the people who may seem to be just serving in the background. But it was through all the experiences that have molded me and shaped me into who I am today, and I must never forget the love and patience of these people whom God has brought into my life.
Now in the season of EHS, God spoke right into the opening session of dealing with my emotional health. And interestingly, He was already preparing me since earlier in the day. Furthermore, His knowing of what I struggle within has made this EHS all the more timely, as though it was meant for me.
So as I open myself up to vulnerability and learning to be true to God about my emotions, I pray that a healing process has already begun.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Col 1:9-12
Prayer:
continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives
A heart's desire:
1. Live a life worthy of the Lord
2. Please him in every way
4 parts to please Him:
a. bearing fruit in every good work
b. growing in the knowledge of God
c. being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience
d. giving joyful thanks to the Father
Finally
who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.
---------------------------------------------------
During the trip, a quick encounter with Him made all the difference.
My heart's desire and His heart's desire.
That just summed up everything so clearly for me.
So I entered into 2013 with a grateful heart, testify to a year of God's grace and goodness in 2012, and look forward to 2013 with hope and full of faith that the Lord has yet to finish His work in me.
continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives
A heart's desire:
1. Live a life worthy of the Lord
2. Please him in every way
4 parts to please Him:
a. bearing fruit in every good work
b. growing in the knowledge of God
c. being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience
d. giving joyful thanks to the Father
Finally
who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.
---------------------------------------------------
During the trip, a quick encounter with Him made all the difference.
My heart's desire and His heart's desire.
That just summed up everything so clearly for me.
So I entered into 2013 with a grateful heart, testify to a year of God's grace and goodness in 2012, and look forward to 2013 with hope and full of faith that the Lord has yet to finish His work in me.
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