To know & To remember

And the last time I remember staying up this late was to mug for exams! :S

I will keep reminding myself this. At age 25, it feels like the best part of life has yet to come. No doubt the stress(ors) of working life have begun to creep in, I am thankful for EHS especially in the past weeks of transition into my (first) job.

It (still) blows my mind to see how God planned EHS at such timing for me; how He placed doors along the way and kept them shut. Something about the doors that I have picked up. Faith, is the act of trying the door handle. If the door opens, go for it. If it stays closed, then let it be whether it's supposed to be that way or otherwise.

People grow up & take on more responsiblities. And I testify to that this afternoon. Strangely enough that it came during this period of my praying over commitments for 2013. The worship ministry. The YAY! Minstry. The Missions Ministry. And now something else comes along.

Thankful. Grateful. For all that I really don't deserve. Yet in the times my rationalization tries to tell me what to do, I pray that the Holy Spirit will convict me to do ONLY what pleases You.

ONLY what pleases You.
In knowing & remembering You.

Wait for the Lord

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." ~ Psalm 27:14

Things I really don't get it yet I feel like I'm in no position to bring it up to God.
Simple questions like "Why me?" or "Why all these?".

I suppose it's all in my heart's attitude.
If I were in this for the glory and fame, then I better step down this instance.

I am so wrong. SO wrong.
May God forgive me for my selfishness; for my ignorance.

Please bring Your goodness out of this.
Probably there isn't anything Man can do at this point anymore.

To know God is to know silence

Patience with God is Faith.

One of the most looked forward to weekends in the calendar year. Ignoring work calls and messages because I decide to reserve my time for Him. Never mind the storms to come cause God is my anchor and has planned these well ahead of time for me to go through.

I will praise You through the storms,
Be still and know that You are God.

Life (is about) Choices

We were created with a freewill; the ability to decide. This sets us apart from all other creation that He has made. We were designed to fellowship with God; to reign over all of His creation.

There was never a contradiction between God's sovereignty & our given freewill to choose. Like a toddler placed in a playpen; Like a sheep in a sheep pen. If we ever think that we deserve to be outside the pen, then we have not really thought it through.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts..." ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

I am thankful to remain in this pen. The fact that it may feel stifling at times to remain within the boundaries is God's way of protecting me. Many times we look out of the fence, we think the grass is greener on the other side. We forget that in God's Kingdom, God takes care of His sheep; His children. Even if the fields turn barren, the shepherd will find a way to feed his sheep.





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It has definitely been a great learning journey. Sure it came with pains and hurts, but it is emerging out of it that we find that God's grace has been sufficient for us to hang on. I pray for my brother, praying that he will never forget this point; this fact; this truth. I know so surely inside me that all of us, when we hit our walls, will have to choose.

To sit at the wall? To bounce off it and never try again? To think of ways to go around it? Or to go through it? Defining the word breakthrough is simple. Break - through. There is only so much Man can do. I will pray; wait; watch what God leads because I choose to believe in His timing, He will make things turn out good and beautiful to the glory of His Name.

My Sister's Keeper

Because there is just so much more to life, when we choose to embrace it by the Grace of God.

The Sower & The Seeds

Some blame the seeds. Some blame the sower. Others may push the blame to other factors.

But a note to myself, I pray that my heart will always be the good soil that multiplies.

The Desert Song

All of my life.
In every season, You are still God.
I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.

Hold on. Never let go. Choose to see it through Your eyes.

Going On

I can't explain what just happened to me.
Yet I know it may return.
Feels like an emotional infant again.
Yet I don't wish to suppress my emotions any longer.

I'm afraid I've allowed myself to run dry. That, is something I have to work on.

When I try prayer, feels like my prayers are bouncing off the ceiling.
When I try worship, feels like I am just a hollow vessel making noise.
When I try stillness, feels like my mind has wandered off elsewhere.

Is this what they call the dark night? Cause I find it so familiar that I may have grown used to it. Or maybe I'm being stubborn. Haha. End of the day, I laugh at my own stupidity.

Stillness

Those precious moments of stillness.
The timely delivery of His word.
Things I will not take for granted.
Much needed in times like this.
When I lose sight of You,
I must come back. I must.

I (still) don't understand

Maybe I might never get it. All that reading. All that counsel.

One moment I rejoice that I finally made progress and the next I find myself slipping again.

I ponder over it for long periods of time. I try ways and means to get out of it. The frustration can sometimes threaten to me tip me over. I find myself empathizing with people who even tried taking their own lives; they would go beyond their limits just to fulfil that one desire. The cuts. The pills. The attempts. I even find myself coming to a point of contemplating extreme options.

I know well that I'm capable of doing really dumb stuff. This is me,the old me, would have probably done some seriously atrocious deed.

For sure, the storm brews on and it will only grow stronger and fiercer. It will threaten to destroy everything I have hoped for. But if I choose to give in and give up, what then is Faith?

I know I've been struggling within me to manage this. In some way, it's simply suppressing. I honestly don't think it is the perfect solution but hey, God isn't judging our coping mechanisms.

Truth be told, we all face our storms and we find some odd way to cope with it, mostly suppression being the easiest way out. Whatever it is, I've come to conclude that so long Jesus doesn't have my First Love, no one mechanism or even all of them combined is going to satisfy.

It sounds easy off the lips but trust me when I say I know how tough it can be. In fact, we can be sure that someone else will always have the tougher experience. End of the day, our Saviour who carried the burden for our sins had it worst.

Talk about betrayal; hatred; mockery; slander; hypocrisy; jealousy; repulsion; exclusion. He went through it all and who's to say He won't understand?

Come a few hours and it's that day of the year again. I'm not sure if it's good that I don't quite anything about it anymore, but if I resolved to give God my life my all, this is the path I will stick to.

Weighing the options in the coming months, I guess decisions have to be made. And I pray that I would really seek the wisdom of God to make them.

God has held nothing back so that in Christ Jesus, we might have everything.

He is Lord

Easy to say but I still got to try to keep to it. Temptation has been just so great, yet seems like I'm having this verse for 2013 for a reason. It always blows my mind whenever I consider His goodness in my life. If that is so, how can i ever doubt Him?

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More than always praying for you (and I still do). I thank Him knowing He's got your back; He's watching over you; and He will honour those who truly honour Him. I'm thankful there have been so much for me to learn along the way and I know that I am still work in progress.

I promised that I will take some time, and I know God will deal with me as He deems fit, and I am thankful for what He is doing. Scars are unsightly and comes with pain, yet I can thank God each time I look at them because they remind me of the lessons in life that others and myself can learn from.

Thus far, it has been better than I can ask for. No doubt I would want it differently, I choose to yield to what He has in store. Cause Faith isn't quite the same as Fantasy.

I smile as I tear, and I tear as I smile when I think back. I'm not sure if it is sorrow hidden within the joy, or joy hidden within the sorrow. Nevertheless, I take it as a process and I will go through it. A reason why God is allowing me to go through EHS this season.

On a sidenote, maybe 2013 won't be a time of Genesis for me. :S

Resolve(d).

If this is all I'll ever be, I'll still give my all to be who I can.

Regard less, regardless.

A little slumber, a little busyness.
All it takes to let slip of my true calling.
Need to constantly re-align myself.
Even if I have to do it day after day.

Every great ending has a humble beginning.
Every gigantic fig tree starts out being a tiny seed.