My Sister's Keeper

Because there is just so much more to life, when we choose to embrace it by the Grace of God.

Deal With It

It was an authentic struggle I faced.
Something additional this Christmas has taught me.
A lesson beyond the usual Christmas season brings with it.
And I thank God for it. What more, the double reminder and emphasis.

So I resolved.
I have only but minute wisdom on my own.
My plans are limited by my short foresight.
It is all about seeking His plans and timing.

Some say it's silly. Some disagree. Some can't be bothered anymore.
But if there is one thing I would choose to, is follow what the Bible tells me.
So God I want to surrender once more, even if I have to keep repeating it.
An act of surrender; an acknowledgement of Your Lordship; A heart of sonship.

My Heavenly Father loves me.
For that fact, He will only have what is best for me.
Till then, be it unto me.
As long as He wants it, I will desire the same.

???

Maybe I'm doing it all wrong.

But I fear more if I do nothing at all.

So I'll try, and trust as I might.
Cause I know God loves me,
And He'll know if the door is meant to stay
shut or wide open.
Against all the earthly opinions,
I'll choose the Divine.

I only ask that I will keep walking in Him, towards Him and for Him regardless.
God my First Love.

Know You More

And that should be one's goal in life.

If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him. ~ John 14:7

You won't know what you don't love. Furthermore, you can't love what you don't know.
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Really thankful over how everything unfolded today from the bus ride to the availability of breakfast to the orientation in the office to the two-hour chat with my manager to the availability of lunch to the self-reading time in the afternoon to the bus ride that brings me to various locations that I will need to go to. 

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. ~ Col 3:17

Seems like the coming workload may not be an easy one. Yet, a time of learning and going a on journey with Him excites me so much more. Perhaps it is the freedom and greater maneuvering space that comes with entering the working life. I won't deny there were little details that didn't fulfil my expectations and I had moments feeling bummed about it. Eventually, I got around it as I give thanks for the much that I don't deserve and how much more favor He has already given me.

The covering of prayer from Sunday's service has definitely come in handy and I have to remind myself time to time, why I do what I do and how to do what I do. Most importantly, who I do for in what I do. Coming into this company may seem random but I choose to believe God has planned for me. The company logo also reminds me of who the Center of my life is, the Trinity of God. There is a greater need for me to constantly re-align the center of life's focus; to re-calibrate what I aim for.

So I am officially into the next chapter of my life. Whatever is to come my way, I do pray that I find the wisdom and accountability along the way. It is a path for me to walk and in the unknown, to know Him more. 

And not forgetting, thank you for sticking around; for being awesome; for listening; for the bits of wisdom. 

This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! ~ 2 Cor 9:12-15

I'll Stand By You

So tonight I commemorate my Quarter of a Century Birthday.

As I gratefully think back through the day, how I spent the evening unexpectedly with the loveliest and closest bunch of people I know on earth, it struck me then.

How do I appreciate the very people who saw me through the life giving process? The painful years of raising me up despite all the burdens and pains. I mean I love babies and kids myself. Yet I am always reminded of the reality in raising a new life. Sure everyone loves playing with babies and toddlers. But how many are prepared and willing to go through the tough times, the responsibilities and the liabilities?

So for me, being 25 is more than just thankful for having lived "so long". It's about honoring. It's about loving unconditionally. It's a time of venturing forward perhaps. It's a season to prepare oneself of how great the love is for one's own child.

So thank you all for being a part of my being. God, family, friends...
Those of you who stayed close, those of you who lent out a shoulder.

And hence I look ahead into the new day. New month. New year =)

Death. So close.

Just yesterday, death itself became so real to me. I thought it'll be just a simple visit to the polyclinic for a specialist referral for my skin condition. I'd never imagine in my wildest thoughts that it could possibly be dengue fever.

A preliminary blood test confirmed that my blood count is a little too low and just to be sure that it's not dengue, i'll have to return to see the doctor tomorrow for another blood test.

As I returned home yesterday, I started googling up on dengue and reading all there is about it. Muscle aches. Rash outbreaks. High fever. All those symptoms that I had in the last couple of days.

Occurred to me once again how fragile life can be and like a chaff in the wind, so easily blown away into non-existence. Perhaps the Lord is saying something here. Perhaps.

What makes you different?

Just 48 hours left to my returning to Singapore, back to what people term as normal life.

Now this may just well be the defining thought for me to wrap up the "season" of 40 days.

What is normal life?

For sure, I know God wants me to make the choice(s) personally. He will not choose for me and has given me the freedom to make that decision. 38 days ago, I resolved to embark on a journey to seek out answers from Him, thinking that Yes I want God's Will to be my way but that may not be the case anymore.

What makes the decision making ever more exciting, is going back to the start. It is an endless cycle, like an mp3 player that is left on repeat.


Know God, Love God. Know God more, Love God more.


Whether it is a calling to be "set apart" for the work of the Lord or a position in the market place, it has now become clear to me that BOTH choices are equal in calling and none should be higher than the other. The only comparison to be made is in the heart of the decision.

Is it pleasing to the Lord and according to His ways?

The occasional updates from the media on what has been happening back home is heartbreaking. Easily, almost every bit of reported news is juicy yet of worldliness, be it corruption or violence or implemented rules biased against a particular group of people. But over and all, one thing remains.

This world will continue to evolve and trends will ever be changing, possibly for the worse. Matthew 24, Jesus tells His disciples of the End of the Age to come and the signs. A sad truth (V12) - Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold. It has already begun if we pause for a moment from our busyness and truly open our eyes to look around us. Jesus encourage us to press on, (V13) but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Further in Mat 24 talks about the unknown time of Christ's return and in 25, talks about the parable of the ten virgins, the talents, and the sheep and the goats. As I put these thoughts down in writing, it only serves to remind me that the days ahead of my living ought to consider all these that Jesus has mentioned.

In every second spent in the office or at the pulpit, for every cent used for His Kingdom or in the market, remember the Lord my God always.

I acknowledge that this final semester is really not my cup of tea and often I question my going through the last couple of years. But in the things I do not (yet) understand, it's only right to trust Him and walk with Him through the process. What more in the uncertain future ahead, what more the things that life will throw at me.

A repeated message preached in Hillsong Church over the last 2 weeks at 2 very different campuses preached by one of the leaders from Brisbane only serves as a reminder from God.

1. Identity
2. Decision
3. Who I meet in life

I cannot change the circumstance that I was born into, but I definitely have the choice to decide how I can live out the next moment of life.

I cannot stop life from throwing unpredictable situations at me whether they are happy ones or not, but I can choose not to let it put me down and give it to God.

~ Deuteronomy 6:4 - 9:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

A Hope and A Future

Importance of living with a focus meant the difference between living aimlessly and living with a goal in mind.

In this season for the past few weeks, much has been taught about Focused Living, about Mentoring, about Dedication. Herein boils down to the key question, have I been living these lessons in my life?

Thing is, no one really likes boundaries. The Adam in us has fallen short and death entered the world through sin, that came to all men. We have this urge in us to go against the very instructions set out to protect us which brings about the saying "Rules are meant to be broken". How untrue!

Surely we would have had that moment in our lives hoping to be carefree and the freedom to do what we want.

That getaway we longed for. That partner we prayed for. That job we sought after.

I think there is nothing wrong with these things we long for, but I guess boundaries are a must to safeguard ourselves. Be it the environment we are in either the office or otherwise; The amount of time we dedicate to the various appointments and roles we hold, we easily become victims of living without boundaries if we don't seriously consider what we live for.

Boundaries in life, determined by one's values and beliefs, points out a systematic overall direction to one's life.

King David's moment of unfocused living led to his sexual temptation of Bathsheba, eventually resulting in him slipping into greater sin of murder to satisfy his own pleasure. -  2 Sam 11

If King David, a Man after God's own heart could fall, how much more susceptible are the rest of us? This is more than a story in the bible, it became a life lesson for me; a gem in life's lessons to remind me to live with boundaries set out by the very focus or purpose I uphold in my life. 

To know why I am living is to know who I am living for and turning to Him to know how to live.

In every experience gained through the lives of others or a personal encounter, let us treasure these in our hearts.

Abraham and his miracle son, Isaac.
Moses and his years in the palace and in the desert place.
Noah and his ark-building years despite the ridicule.
So many are the characters in the Bible whom we can learn from their life experiences,
I see them as God's sharing with me, coaching me in handling life matters.

And the very model of life example is given to us in His Word, Jesus Christ Himself who lived for a focus, for a purpose. He knew very well the boundaries in His life.
The One who is Life and gave Life ought to be what my Life is all about.

Keep coming back to my Focus, that I may not lead a wasted life chasing after the things of this world.

My Confessions

No it's not something juicy about me or whatever you may think it is...

So before I rant, I must confess...
That there are and there were moments I really feel inadequate...
That I don't understand how I agreed to in the first place...
That I really needed a hole deep enough to put my head in and never face the world...
 and also,
That there are things and concepts I don't understand and I need help...
That I am only but Marcus and to admit defeat is giving in to the lies of the Evil One...
That I am not someone else I hope to be and Christ still loves me...
That in my weaknesses, Christ is truly glorified as He delivers me...
That God's plan for my life is learning through failures, through pains...
That I am who I am today because He planned to shape me His way...
That it's been the longest time I remembered coming down on my knees again...

Growing up wears me out.
Sometimes I wonder if I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole...

The sensations today just left that bad taste lingering for the most of the day...
On one hand, I just know in my head that it's about my perspective and attitude...
How I choose to see this experience would determine whether I truly learned something,
or simply taking it negatively and feeling defeated.

Thing is, I still can't get over today.
I claim to know, but I don't think I am convinced.
Giving up would be so much easier for me, to leave it behind and not burdened by it.
Definitely something I would give the world to avoid doing if I could...

Wouldn't that be all to simple?
Is it the right question to ask myself? "Why do I suck at it?"

Or I should be asking myself "How can I do better for the next attempt?"

Trust me when I say it's easier than done. I've been through this umpteen times myself.
But I really want us to know this when we feel down and defeated, ask the right question.

We do really badly in a test and asked "Is this really for me?"
Perhaps we should ask "Where have I gone wrong?"
We got rejected in a proposal and asked "Why doesn't God grant me my desire?"
Perhaps we should ask "God, then what do You have in store for me?"
We gave our best and yet failed to meet the mark and asked "Why God? Why me?"
Perhaps we should ask "God, what are You teaching me?"

I tell you God knows our every thought and need, why?
Just as I write this entry, this devotion came in through my email:

Handling Criticism the Right Way

When it comes to handling criticism the right way you must: 

(1) Demonstrate emotional and spiritual maturity. Exhaustion can affect the way you act when you're under pressure. Elijah slipped into depression because of it. Queen Jezebel hounded him relentlessly. Her opposition sapped his strength and caused him to say, '...It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life...' (1 Kings 19:4 KJV) Satan will take advantage of your weariness. When you're fatigued you can become overly sensitive and miss the opportunity for growth that comes with the criticism. 

(2) Realise that good people get criticised. Jesus was called a glutton (Matthew 11:19); a drinker (Luke 7:34); a friend of disreputable characters (Matthew 11:19). People whose opinions are set and whose thinking is off won't understand behaviour based on obedience to God. So when your ideas and values clash with theirs, try to be gracious. 

(3) Always keep a good attitude. Your own attitude can be more detrimental to you than somebody else's. You know what they say: 'A chip on your shoulder usually indicates wood higher up.' Peter writes: 'You have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to [God] who judges righteously.' (1 Peter 2:21-23 NKJV) 

Give it to God, and press on!

And hence I say, God really is right here. I know it's gonna take some time for me to sort my thoughts out but He allowed this devotion to be sent in just at the time I needed these words most...To know I have a higher Calling. Suppose this is how I can then see God's Grace for me and to realize how much I need to lean on His wisdom and understanding.

Much to process from the whole of today, being out for a good 15 hours is tiring.

And I have to say I never expected to discover the other side of people around, discoveries that I would never in my wildest imagination would expect. But it is definitely something I thank God for, for me to learn from...for me to understand you better...To appreciate the circumstances of our lives...

In the same light, I wonder how my friends would respond if they saw another side of me...Probably the other side of me you'd never imagined...Probably a side of me that once you discover, it blows your mind away...

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God I pray You put that fire of passion back in me again. I pray for understanding to acknowledge Your unique plans for my life and that remember the tongue holds the power of life and death. I ask of Your liberation of my mind, of these mental struggles within me. Lord I feel really inadequate after all that has happened, but I choose to put my faith in You that You will deliver me. Amen.

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When I don't speak to you, it doesn't imply that I don't desire to. Maybe I just don't know how to.

You Deserve

I just can't explain...

Things that happened beyond comprehension...
Prayers prayed that spoke right to someone's heart...
Needs felt that were met abundantly by God...

Despite the numerous proof of God's goodness and faithfulness,
yet I find myself still being uncertain and having that tinge of doubt.

Still learning more about myself...
I guess I am really afraid to try, or maybe more so afraid to fail.
Perhaps that's why...

To point everyone in the wrong direction is simply walking away in the opposite direction.

Owning a Collection of driving books doesn't make one a driver

-Insert here since Grace requested for this:

Questions are powerful tools. They can ignite hope and lead to new insights. They can also destroy hope and keep us stuck in bad assumptions. The key is to be intentional and choose our questions well.

Examples of bad questions:

1. Why does this always happen to me?
2. What did I do to deserve this?
3. What’s wrong with me?

  Here are five strategies for asking better, more empowering questions:

1. Become conscious of the questions you are asking yourself.
2. Evaluate these questions: are these good questions?
3. Be intentional and choose the better question.
4. Write down the answers your brain serves up.
5. Take action on these insights.

 http://michaelhyatt.com/007-the-importance-of-asking-the-right-question-podcast.html
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It can be a paradox sometimes.

But I see what You did there.
Because Life is far more than accumulating head knowledge;
Because Life is far more than having fellowship in the finest clothing;
Because Life is far more greater beyond ourselves;
Because Life is simply complex yet complexly simple.

God must know I need that wake up call, that nudge to realize that what we preach or say is REAL.
As I dwelt on the verse Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the Law of Christ. ~ Galatians 6:2, I am convinced that God does not want me to simply absorb these words for sake of preaching it.

Live it. 

I thought it is easy but the truth is that, application is way much tougher than we perceive it to be.
We try to negotiate with ourselves that God will show grace lah...It's okay...
I beg to differ.

His revelation:

My Grace is not for you to use as an excuse for your laziness or lack of discipline. My Grace is for those who give nothing less than what they have to offer yet falling short.

Salvation is free, but it doesn't come cheap. 

And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart. ~ Luke 2:51
Jesus was missing for 3 days. Mum and Dad found him and gave him a dressing down. The very boy who was thought to have been the ideal kid caught them off guard. 3 days. Perhaps we are like Jesus' parents many times. We try to pin the blame on others (and this began from Genesis during Adam and Eve's time). Key reminder here is Mary treasured all these things in her heart, something the Lord is reminding me this season. TREASURE THESE THINGS.

And it just didn't stop there for me this season. All the undeserving blessing. The unexpected allowance. The unmerited favor. The unprecedented portion. The unimaginable exchange rate.

The 1 lesson for me to learn to see His DEEDS in my NEEDS.

And Life seemed to tumble in to a mix of emotions...
First this, then that.
And tonight, learning that a NS friend has passed on in his sleep isn't helping much.
How frail Life can be. As I read through his FB timeline how people are commenting and giving their condolences and last words, I stopped at a post before his death.

How often we take one another for granted? 

This just reinforced all the more what I ought to do. Die trying Marcus. Die trying.
Because it's going to hurt even more knowing you let the opportunity slip by.

So much to learn, so little time to comprehend.
Abba, I need Your wisdom; to lean on Your understanding.

Jesus, be the Centre of my Life. Hold me and never let me go.

Growing Up (and still growing)

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
Call on Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the Lord,
and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, " declares the Lord.

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than Your thoughts.

Heavenly Father, I need Your divine intervention; Your wisdom.
Lord, I pray You strengthen me in a time as such.
Father I ask that You show Yourself strong.

OPEN MY EYES, THAT I MAY SEE AND PERCEIVE.
OPEN MY EARS, THAT I MAY HEAR AND UNDERSTAND.

For Lack of Understanding

God, why tonight? Why me?

Perhaps too much for me to bear but I sense You have something to say.

I'll probably lose sleep, I'll probably be thinking over and over.
But I pray You say something, show me a sign.
Tell me why though I know Your ways are higher.

This is part of the growing up process?
I figure You really put me through all these for Your very reason.
Life's really not just sitting in a comfortable seat every Sunday anymore.

I can only run to You all the more,
What I do not know, I'll trust You to lead.
What I do know, I commit to You to grant mercy.
Lord, please don't let all that I've learned of You come to naught.

So much going through my mind right now.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the Law of Christ. ~ Galatians 6:2


God why now? Why?

Digging the Ditches

Today attended the Global Leadership Summit 2011 at Riverlife Church. Though I got up late and 'missed the boat' , thank God I made it on time for the conference.

The GLS is an annual leadership conference usually lasting 2 days, this GLS happens to be my first time in attendance. For more info, you may visit http://www.glssingapore.org/

I honestly did not attend GLS with any expectations to begin with. All I could do was utter a sincere prayer before making my way down, telling God that since I'm already going for the conference, He might as well make use of it to speak to me. Well and He sure did, not just to me but I believe the rest of us who attended.

There were various sessions, interwoven with recesses and meal times. The timely breaks were just long enough for fellowships between the many groups attending the conference. As true blue WRPF people, we sure did make full use of the breaks through our 15 minutes of quick (and I really mean quick) sharing of the first half of the day's sessions. We barely had 30 seconds (There was a countdown timer projected on the main screen!) and we managed to wrap up and close in prayer just 3 seconds before the worship leaders came on stage.

One session after another, the speakers (through broadcasting of the video recordings) never failed to inspire (me) in faith-building and trusting God for greater things. The first 4 sessions today seemed almost like a walk up a flight of stairs, each session building up on the previous one. I thought today in particular I was intrigued by the 4th speaker in session 3, Patrick Lencioni. Visit his profile at http://www.tablegroup.com/pat/

I thought this was it. The most engaging speaker for Day 1 of GLS. But no, I was wrong. When session 4 came on after tea-break, I was glued to the video on Steven Furtick. This was a 31 year old (yes 31!) pastor who hails from America and having grown a church from 4 members to the 8000+ congegation it is in Elevation Church (click to visit them).

Pastor Steven is not to be viewed as some "young punk" who happened to hear God speak and followed whatever God said. Hear it for yourself, his life and journey with the Lord and how the church he started grew (exploded may be a better description here). This dude is now my fav! And I thought Ethel was just going ga-ga over him before he spoke, but I was wrong!!! And now I can't wait to hear him speak at Hillsong Conference 2012! Sydney here I come!

So I share stop sharing about GLS here but just like to post 3 photos that describes what I think YAY! Ministry is going through:

Then after GLS, I went to a wake with several church members. This wake was in memorial of a lady, at a young age of 25, not much older than myself.The father, Mr James Chan commonly known as National Director of YWAM greeted us and thanked us for coming jsust after we paid our respects.

I did not personally know the family, even Mr. Chan. But one thing for sure, I wanted to make this trip because Joanne's life story inspired me in a way when she was alive. I could identify with her since we were quite close of age though I have never met her in my life. Reading all the prayer updates of Joanne's condition going up and down over the past days have caught my attention and thinking to consider my own life.

And I owe it to Joanne that I concluded that I shall not live my whole life pursuing personal desires of earthly things but to cherish the things of eternal value such as souls and salvation. It also got me realizing that if I want something (major in life), prayerfully do it and stop hesitating because life (and time) isn't going to wait around!

And summing up today, is really a bombardment of emotions (quote Aunt Agnes). And I thank God for giving me this experience. Because in any and every circumstance, give thanks to God knowing that He allows all things to happen for good. Greater good.

YAY! Leaders

More YAY! Leaders

And more YAY! Leaders

Still some more YAY! Leaders

"I want to hear from you now"

With every ship, comes the captain (and his wife)

GLS 2011

Are you ready to step up?

Still don't get it

I may never understand...

Unforgiveness of a person can supercede God's love...

=S

Please don't go

And it's all happening for real.

What was hinted to us months back was thought of as a passing-remark.
It never occurred to any of us at any time that it was coming.
I knew I had to treasure the moments, the teachings and the experiences.
I just never expected the end to be so near.

Nevertheless, I will hold on.
I will stay strong.
Because of your legacy and your "fatherhood" to me,
I will live my life out in gratitude and appreciation.

I will give my life to a Purpose and a Calling.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart,
You have made a difference in my life.
God bless =)

Need You More and More

UN - expected

These few days been an emotional roller coaster and has got me thinking about my future.

Also, the challenge was brought up.

Do you want a good life?


So I thought to myself, what is my definition of a good life.

Well I'm still learning to take things positively and learn as much as I can out of every experience.
Because of Jerm. 29:11, I can rejoice and hope in the Lord.
Because of John 3:16, I am reassured in the Lord.

Simply because of who He is, I can rely on Him to lord over my life.

On a side note, I re-contacted a dear friend who went MIA for some time.
I'm glad we talked; I'm glad we'll get to meet up soon; I'm grateful for this opportunity.

Lord, use me. Amen.

Fall into place

If there's one thing I learnt definitely about God, it's that all things will fall into place in His timing to come.
He will see to it; He will bring it to pass.

As a friend says, perfect love casts out all fears.
And I say Amen to that!

=)

Faith

Thanks for being faithful despite my faithlessness.

Always been an encounter with you, never fails to surprise me.

Now I lay my hopes all behind me,

Because it seems that hope leads to disappointments.

Not that it is from Your word at all,

Just what I am feeling this season.

Stretch me, pull me, as far as You can,

I hope I'll never snap because you know my limits.

And I guess I'm coming to the end of the road,

Just shows how much I can do without You.

It's all wrong, I know.

I hope I'm wrong.

Yes.