New Beginnings

I was expecting 2014 to be a good start to change. Looks like I have to be realistic. The past year's crappiness seemed to have behind me which is something I'm thankful for. Like the common saying, move on.

2013 has definitely taught me to treasure family in the most painful way I have feared. Her sudden passing which I played through my mind even during her days of living. And so in 2014, it is my priority to not repeat that mistake and guard it so fiercely. 

As the days go by, it becomes clearer and paramount to be certain of what I want, to be sure of where I want to head towards. At least till it is a given.

I have been taught over the past years to face each new day with thanksgiving. I still wonder how long since that has stopped and my every morning is greeted with lamentations.

What is good and what I have stood for just seems to have diluted along the way. I sense the days of my holding on coming to an end fairly soon. Least I know when that is going to be roughly. The recent days may have been a little easier to cope with. The almost-weekly routine of doing this and meeting that and serving has kept me from the much hoped-not-for fellowships. Perhaps it is for the better, though not the best.

I would least expect this outcome to arrive. Not in my wildest imaginations.

The Sower & The Seeds

Some blame the seeds. Some blame the sower. Others may push the blame to other factors.

But a note to myself, I pray that my heart will always be the good soil that multiplies.

All I can

Is to do my best to know you more.

Doesn't matter how it may be, as long as I know I tried, to my best.

And tonight I find myself, smack in the center of doing what I longed to do all these while, and I can only give thanks for the privilege and opportunity to do so.

#Reminder: every life is worthy, and capable of greatness.

???

Maybe I'm doing it all wrong.

But I fear more if I do nothing at all.

So I'll try, and trust as I might.
Cause I know God loves me,
And He'll know if the door is meant to stay
shut or wide open.
Against all the earthly opinions,
I'll choose the Divine.

I only ask that I will keep walking in Him, towards Him and for Him regardless.
God my First Love.

Marvel

I marvel at the little I can offer, and yet see the utmost God can make out of it. Exceedingly. Abundantly.

And God tonight, this post goes out to You. My utmost gratitude. In the times of steering the undeserving grace to drive a car I may never be able to afford, how You remind me that the things of this world are not to be sought after.

These are good to have, good to bless someone else. Yet these are the very things that could derail me from my very purpose You have called me to.
So may I never forget, the story of the 5 loaves 2 fish. The miracle thought impossible that blew a child's mind away in a simple offering.

Lord I desire to be that child, as I willingly give You my 5 loaves 2 fish. Whatever they may be.

Praise the Lord.

Push While You Pray

 

Having just finished Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick, has been an incredible journey for myself. The essence of his book was really to encourage Christians to take hold of God's promises and vision in their life, regardless of where they are or what they have been doing, and dare to believe while acting upon His faithfulness.

And I'll probably want to remember this quote he shared from Jim Cymbala, 

I despaired at the thought that my life might slip by without seeing God show himself mightily on our behalf.

Reaching a point in my life that I probably have to make a "major" decision such as a starting job. Up till now, I always thought I had a grip, or a little understanding, of what it meant by Faith. And this book which I bought from my Down Under trip, surely didn't come at a time of coincidence. I believe God must have allowed this book to minister to me as I ponder some of the most difficult decisions.

Now that it is less than 2 months from me entering a new chapter of my life, I find myself being caught in the middle. On one hand, I really can't wait to enter the next phase yet at the same, I hold onto doubts and questions.

One thing for sure. Sun Stand Still has helped to with a motto.
Seize the Vision. Activate the Faith. Make the Move.

It has also given me a fresh perspective of Hope and Faith. How closely assimilated these two traits are, yet so vastly different in their nature. One can choose to stand firm on HOPE yet another finds himself choosing to move by FAITH. The very fact that characters from the Bible have lived out by that principle is likely a lesson God would want His people to comprehend. To know that beyond the Promise and Progress,  there is a Process which His people undergoes.

As for myself, I do look forward to that Process.
The first job.
The next relationship.
The Calling in Life.

For sure and for real it may be tough, it may require endurance. But I have a Hope. A Hope given by the Most High. A Promise to those who seek after Him with all their hearts, to live out His Purpose, will find themselves living by it.

I may have little to offer, but God is more concerned about how much I am willing to offer out of the little.

Pray. Pray for a participation in His miracles and not just a speculation. Pray for fresh revelations constantly and as with any intimate relationship, in deeper love. Pray for a renewal of mind and strength as I face each new day's challenges. Pray for not just a changed life, but a channel for life-changing as well. Pray not for my desires alone, but through seeking His portion for me that I find my satisfaction.

Rule #32, enjoy the little things.

It has been a total energy draining 48hours, yet probably one of the best times I could recall.

1. Cause he's leaving on a jet plane.

It was a great time of fellowship on Friday (the entire day in fact despite the botched job interview I would say). And the evening time with the leaders of the worship ministry and teams just made it even better. The passing on of the vision cast earlier in the year. The heart to heart thoughts and sharing. The fei-lo-ship over steaming boats of veg and meat, well a lot of fishballs actually!

But for me, perhaps is the highlight of sending my brother in Christ off. Unknown to many, Joel was actually set to fly up north for 3-week reservist exercise. Unspoken of, yet I feel for him.
The time away from loved ones and friends, not forgetting cell and church.
The rising up to the occasion to lead a group of men who probably are all older than him by many years.

As for myself though I thank God I probably won't have to go through such situations, I'd always want to be there to see a brother off at the airport right up to the departure entrance. Aside from being there physically, I believe one's presence and willingness to show up at the airport really encourages the one leaving knowing a family left behind remembers him. Hence me making it a point as best as I can, to come down to the east despite its remoteness from the city. If you are reading this, pray for him. Pray for Joel as he goes through a high-key exercise because we don't want to take God's protection for granted.

2. In serving is giving back from a position of receiving

A thank point this week in preparation for cell duty in YAY! An honest concern that finding help with icebreakers and worship can seem to be a challenge. But surely my God is able to do all things, especially those that most glorifies Him. And I don't care who eventually gets the credit. Sure names can be brought up but I know one thing for sure, His Name is lifted high above all in my giving my all.

The willingness to step up and being the lead worshiper.
The willingness to stand on the supporting lines backing up the worship leader.
The willingness to coup up at the back, unnoticed yet faithfully moving the slides.
The willingness to move out of the comfort zone to bring Him due glory.

It proves beyond a willing heart to give. It reflects a receiving posture to give back to the rightful Lord and master. And yes, God came through amidst the united worship of the body of Christ and though the positive feedback of Man, I give my gratitude to the Audience of One whom all the praise and worship is given to. And I can trust my God to draw the members' hearts back to Him slowly but surely. That is my belief.

3.The 24th Birthday Girl

And so the weeks of planning, preparation and squabbling has finally come down to D-Day.
It was this. It was that.
To get this. To get that.

We thought we had it all covered, yet the Lord revealed to us how silly we were through a sudden downpour. The heavy rain caught everyone off guard and threw us off the original plan. We could not explicitly change the plan so with a little tweaking and a whole lot of Oscar-level acting, we staged the birthday surprise in a random location. Haha.

Thereafter things were back to original plan though slightly behind schedule. Nevertheless, I saw how the Grace of God provided for us.

The car when the rain came.
The market where we could take away dinner.
The NTUC where we got last minute items.
The willingness from all to chip in, in one way or another, especially for the big birthday present!

I believe this time, the birthday present meant more than just what one likes or justifies that a costlier gift has more significance. I believe the birthday present, at its cost, revealed just how much love everyone has for our birthday girl. It revealed how much more the Gift of Love from Jesus Christ our Lord is worth. And for that, the birthday present is only but a shadow of how much we cherish our birthday girl.

So now that the countless celebrations are finally over (I think!), a new season is here. To look back in gratitude of one's life in a year is good because one can then look ahead to better year with the Lord! So Happy BirthDAY Sarah (again)! and yes, the Lord be with you and make His face shine upon you! That the Lord grant you favors. That His goodness and mercy will follow you, all the days of your life as you dwell in the house of the Lord!

4. D & J

The Big Day is less than 3 weeks away! I'm pumped up for it really! Especially this coming week with stag/hen night. With cell outing on Sat. Yesterday's gathering of the wedding core helper team was a great time despite the "warm" reception! =D

So yes D&J, I said yes to helping you for your big day. And it will always be a yes for you guys! Both of you are my God-sent guardian angels in the family of Christ and it will be my joy to see you through the joyous day of your lives!

--------------------------------

So the dawning of a brand new day,
the setting in of a brand new week.
Lord I have worries and issues and challenges,
but I have You God.
Choosing between perhaps or Promise, 
I know now it's not about me-conscious,
I know it's about GOD-conscious. =)   

Lot of WHYs

If I claim to love Jesus, why do I show biased love?

If I claim His love as my anchor, why do I still fear the storms?

If I claim Jerm 29:11, why do I worry over and again over the future?

I am puzzled. If we claim not to be an eventful bunch, then why aren't we praying for revelation and yet squeezing activities out of perceived opportunities?

Too many, far too many whys to deal with. This sudden onslaught tonight must not be simply cast aside tonight as a spiritual attack. Surely and undoubtedly, the enemy is lurking around seeking any and every weakpoint in my life to bring me down.

Over and over, I've shared this point with many people. It's simply all in the mind. What we witness in the flesh, in the physical realm is the manifestation of the mind.

So yes Lord, I Have Decided.
But help me to keep my decision, and in my choices, help me make them out of reverence for You. It will be a fact that I have no spiritual parents at home but whether I will have spiritual parents, Lord God my Father You will always be my Daddy God.

My spiritual bottle seemed to have run dry almost instantly over the course of 12hours. Perhaps, it is so true that only those who are overflowing with His mercy and love are able to input the same manner of love.

It is the saddest thing in life to persistently hold onto what I think is best for me, so Lord help me to let go, and let You be God. In the season You have for me, let it be my portion as You deem best for me. But I pray that You keep me dwelling in Your House. Always.

"All my Hope is in You. With every breath, my soul will rest in You."

Love You Jesus, is all I can do.
Fill me I pray. Again.

Because it's all about You

Thank You for everything and I know You have Your very plans for us.

May my heart be concerned with loving and serving You over what others think,
cause ultimately You're what matters.
May I not just be someone who is looked up to, but someone who can be turned to in Your Name.

Let me do all things to the praise of Your glory, I am but an instrument.
So Lord, steady my heart. Steady my heart.

What ultimately matters?

Today's MTPS really hit home.

No doubt that UFS' sharing is as always close to the heart, all that has happened today really affirmed what Ethel and I believe in doing to walk with our dear members.

From the updates on how YAY! has been to the sharing on coming YAY! camp to the surveys right up to the end of the MTPS in prayer, I could feel His presence so strongly. Though I think I could have done better for the sharing on the camp, I believe it is given from the Lord on our stewardship of the next generationS to come and the urgency in doing so.

The highlight of the session must have been the acknowledgements coming from the parents. It is really heartening to hear testimonies from various families and personally, I was on the brink of breaking down/moved to tears when one of the mothers came to me encouraging about the change she has been seeing.

In my heart, I truly rejoice. Rejoicing in the knowledge that a beloved child of God is experiencing His Love and in the spiritual warfare, we are building up one another and be mindful of what is happening to us. Nothing really beats that feeling of knowing someone you care for is reciprocating and really, it is a joyous occasion to mark down.

I foresee the days ahead may/will just get tougher. Looking at the increasing rate the world demands of us in terms of time, energy and strength, it will be an uphill task. But it should never be daunt cause in the hardest times when we can't go on anymore, we can go on our knees for the Lord is our help.

Yes things must keep running and going daily but surely, our soul care is way much more important. How pitiful that we often overlook that. Time to come back to the Lord and sit at His feet again.

Decoding Life

It has been a great weekend spent.

Especially after a week of case of dengue, I believe there's just much to be thankful for.
Looking back alone on the episode I had with this dengue fever has caused me to re-think again a number of facets of life, particularly the ones that I would take for granted.

Some experiences in life is priceless, it can only be taken in by the one who goes through it.
And this week during cell, one of the member took me by surprise with his perspective and inputs.
A viewpoint that I would never imagined him sharing about, but I found myself pleasantly surprised at the maturity of sharing. For sure, I know only God is able to move so mightily in his life and the Lord will continue to work in him.

I know He has placed in my hands a bunch of people He really loves. There is probably still a lifetime of a journey ahead together and it's also about the Lord working in me. I have to acknowledge there are areas that I really suck in and I think I ought to be doing better, I guess there's just something the Lord will have to deal with me about.

Every moment of the fellowship has been of significance to me and I do not take it for granted. But on top of the time being together, I'm also constantly trying to seek the Lord for wisdom. Wisdom to decode situations, wisdom to discern.

Strangely that certain things are becoming evident and increasingly obvious. And there is a growing sense of peace within me. Surely I must cherish all these, because ultimately God I want to live out Your Purpose for my life and I'm making it a point to make that the focal point of my life.

My Love for You must take precedence over all other love in my life.

Death. So close.

Just yesterday, death itself became so real to me. I thought it'll be just a simple visit to the polyclinic for a specialist referral for my skin condition. I'd never imagine in my wildest thoughts that it could possibly be dengue fever.

A preliminary blood test confirmed that my blood count is a little too low and just to be sure that it's not dengue, i'll have to return to see the doctor tomorrow for another blood test.

As I returned home yesterday, I started googling up on dengue and reading all there is about it. Muscle aches. Rash outbreaks. High fever. All those symptoms that I had in the last couple of days.

Occurred to me once again how fragile life can be and like a chaff in the wind, so easily blown away into non-existence. Perhaps the Lord is saying something here. Perhaps.

Do not worry

I have hardly grew up worrying about it since I was born. I suppose the life before know Christ was pretty much similar. The Word of God advocates that it should not be case, probably just me not being able to identify.

Yet as I look back from time to time, the one lesson I'm learning to grasp is the very one that seems to be the struggle of most people. It transcends beyond the boundaries of time and factors of age and status.

i must put up milestones in my life; to build the spiritual altars of gratitude in worship. It scares me very often in my moments of reflection that the Word of God is slowly but surely revealing its credibility with all that is happening in the world today.

For a start, the Love of most that will grow cold but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. A good part of me is telling me that this verse implies a response to receiving my undeserved gift of salvation. On the other hand, it scares me that the very ones next to me Sundays after Sundays, could be the one falling away. Maybe, that One is me?

Against all that reasoning to "survive" in this economy, I pray that the Lord comes through and is the only Providence for me. There is really much to be done.

The harvest is plenty but the workers are few.

Yet a time is coming, the hour and place is unknown but surely, Christ my Lord is coming back again.

Why the need to worry?

Belonging-ness

As I open the final chapter of my education life, somehow the bugging thought is not on what I'm or will be doing. It really doesn't matter as much as who I am and will be in time to come.

Because if I do not give it much thought, I may well be conformed into an identity by what I'm doing regardless of whether I chose to or forced to.

Christ, the foundation of the Christian Faith, the Cornerstone of one's Confidence. Who is Christ to me, to my life? I think the question begets way more consideration than what I would like my coming future to be. It is no longer a matter of my desired charter but a submissive obedience to a Greater plan.

God is supposed to be evident in ALL aspects of one's life, of my life. The tabernacle of the Old Testament cannot over-emphasize this. In the same way, the Divine Architect who has His great plans in its most intricate detailed designs should and only take the highest place of my life.

JESUS. I belong wholly to You.

Grow Up

Tonight I noticed something about myself.

Was at Mark's place for his birthday party, also present were a number of his close friends from church and a number of family friends as well.

At the start of the evening, I was naturally sitting with the young ones having dinner. But somehow as the night passed, I found myself moving to the group of uncles sitting at the other end of the house!

OH DEAR!

Haha. But no doubt I think I enjoyed the time chatting and conversing with the wiser men. People from various walks of life, some whom I knew fairly well while others, well I barely knew! So yes, something I noticed about myself and I am going to go with the assuring thought that it is a good thing =S

Then again, something to ponder over from today. Growing up. What caused the Apostle Paul to advocate this thought to grow up spiritually? Why would he write to the Ephesian Church about this? Was there something he was trying to hint at?

As I dwelt on the passage a little longer, I find us doing injustice to the Word of God. Often we spend a limited time looking/studying the scripture/passage and we hope to uncover perhaps a couple of points to share. Then again, the Scripture is filled with so much gems and treasures that if we really looked hard enough (and wait upon the Holy Spirit for guidance), we would discover so much more that we could ever imagine.

So Much More.

The Born Identity

Being reminded again this evening ~ Children of God.

The phrase came back to me, "A chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession..."

Often the thought would pop up "If only I was born..."

A truth here: With God, I believe there is no "accident". He had a choice, and He made it. He chose each and every single one who has been saved. The terms used revealed so much of God's perspective towards His people, even to the extent of being His "special possession". I mean God could have just declared us as His possession right? After all, He is God. Yet He calls us "special possession".

To even talk about having or needing to worship God is a shame. A soul that has truly accepted the undeserving gift of salvation, will desire to worship Him in acknowledgement of His Love. I believe that is the mark of true repentance, the transformation that needs no persuasion except the fact that one has freely received the forgiveness of Christ.

May it be a note to myself that it has never and should never be about my doing or abilities that I worship the Lord God. The desire to worship Him is automatic; it comes forth out of receiving Jesus. I was chosen to declare the praises of Him! And being a recipient of His mercy, I can now stand amongst the people of God.

Love so divine. If God chose to die for me, surely I can choose to live for Him. 
Once again, a reminder to myself. Above all the things in life.

What makes you different?

Just 48 hours left to my returning to Singapore, back to what people term as normal life.

Now this may just well be the defining thought for me to wrap up the "season" of 40 days.

What is normal life?

For sure, I know God wants me to make the choice(s) personally. He will not choose for me and has given me the freedom to make that decision. 38 days ago, I resolved to embark on a journey to seek out answers from Him, thinking that Yes I want God's Will to be my way but that may not be the case anymore.

What makes the decision making ever more exciting, is going back to the start. It is an endless cycle, like an mp3 player that is left on repeat.


Know God, Love God. Know God more, Love God more.


Whether it is a calling to be "set apart" for the work of the Lord or a position in the market place, it has now become clear to me that BOTH choices are equal in calling and none should be higher than the other. The only comparison to be made is in the heart of the decision.

Is it pleasing to the Lord and according to His ways?

The occasional updates from the media on what has been happening back home is heartbreaking. Easily, almost every bit of reported news is juicy yet of worldliness, be it corruption or violence or implemented rules biased against a particular group of people. But over and all, one thing remains.

This world will continue to evolve and trends will ever be changing, possibly for the worse. Matthew 24, Jesus tells His disciples of the End of the Age to come and the signs. A sad truth (V12) - Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold. It has already begun if we pause for a moment from our busyness and truly open our eyes to look around us. Jesus encourage us to press on, (V13) but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Further in Mat 24 talks about the unknown time of Christ's return and in 25, talks about the parable of the ten virgins, the talents, and the sheep and the goats. As I put these thoughts down in writing, it only serves to remind me that the days ahead of my living ought to consider all these that Jesus has mentioned.

In every second spent in the office or at the pulpit, for every cent used for His Kingdom or in the market, remember the Lord my God always.

I acknowledge that this final semester is really not my cup of tea and often I question my going through the last couple of years. But in the things I do not (yet) understand, it's only right to trust Him and walk with Him through the process. What more in the uncertain future ahead, what more the things that life will throw at me.

A repeated message preached in Hillsong Church over the last 2 weeks at 2 very different campuses preached by one of the leaders from Brisbane only serves as a reminder from God.

1. Identity
2. Decision
3. Who I meet in life

I cannot change the circumstance that I was born into, but I definitely have the choice to decide how I can live out the next moment of life.

I cannot stop life from throwing unpredictable situations at me whether they are happy ones or not, but I can choose not to let it put me down and give it to God.

~ Deuteronomy 6:4 - 9:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Man of Sorrow

It has been 10 days now and I'm just blown away by the numerous revelations and God-moments, usually in the quiet and alone times with Him.

Just this weekend, a prayed-over verse I picked up just shook me all over.

"Let there be stillness in your soul, so that I can speak to you."

And I thought I have always been spending time being still, but it is a difference of being physically still and being still inwardly. The mind is a whole realm in itself, even the greatest and positive thinking mind can be thrown off by the Devil, also less known as the Accuser. It is so apt that God reminds us, "love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind..."

For sure He has reasons for that sequence of desiring from us, first the heart and the mind and so on. God can be seen as legalistic or demanding if one cannot comprehend an authentic love relationship.

But for those who have truely fallen on love with Jesus and loving Him today through and in everyday living, we being single or married are never meant to be alone. Cause Christ is our Greatest Romance.

It's only a matter of being aware of it and immersing oneself into that revelation of a relationship with Jesus, who is coming back.

The last 10 days was spent wondering why every attendee in wrpf wants to return, now i've bought it. I'll come back again, symbolically to remind myself to give devoted (time and myself) to Christ.

Judging from updates and insta photos, cell seems to be bonded and bonding. This is the harvest of the Lord, and I know for sure He will take care of everyone of them. I just have to hear Him and avail myself to what He wants to do.

"Lord speak, for your servant is listening."

Love

O how i miss you and long for you

What is next?

Serving God has never been such faith-raising. I remember how comfortable it was whenever I needed cash for a mission trip or getting some big-ticket item, God always provided from within my home: the Father Fund.

It was really easy and I saw that as His means of providing especially when my dad refuses to accept God in a nice way. It was only last year that I resolved to moving in faith.

So last December for my mission trip to Myanmar, a group of loving brothers and sisters chipped in for my trip though I really really never expected it for my birthday! It was the beginning of something new for me, to learn to operate in complete faith and comprehend just how much love that is around me!

Finance is definitely a big issue in serving God but perhaps, He knows it so well that He assures us of His providence as well as not to serve money but God himself only. Money is only a means of glorifying Him.

So this year, having to scrimp and save for church camp and my upcoming Australia trip to Hillsong/Sisterhood has been a journey on the line of Faith. Seeing how God always came through for me only reminded all the more that I will never be able to outgive Him.

After all, I did pray to God to give me no more or less to what I need, that i may never forget Him in the process. Going by Faith has made me realize so much more life to come and I am only beginning to appreciate and understand how things work and go around me.

And before me, I know there'll be issues and matters way bigger than myself, things that only the sovereignty of God can bring to pass. And the pleasing response to Him is to upkeep a devoted heart to Him regardless and offer ALL of myself to Him, for Him.