I'll Stand By You

So tonight I commemorate my Quarter of a Century Birthday.

As I gratefully think back through the day, how I spent the evening unexpectedly with the loveliest and closest bunch of people I know on earth, it struck me then.

How do I appreciate the very people who saw me through the life giving process? The painful years of raising me up despite all the burdens and pains. I mean I love babies and kids myself. Yet I am always reminded of the reality in raising a new life. Sure everyone loves playing with babies and toddlers. But how many are prepared and willing to go through the tough times, the responsibilities and the liabilities?

So for me, being 25 is more than just thankful for having lived "so long". It's about honoring. It's about loving unconditionally. It's a time of venturing forward perhaps. It's a season to prepare oneself of how great the love is for one's own child.

So thank you all for being a part of my being. God, family, friends...
Those of you who stayed close, those of you who lent out a shoulder.

And hence I look ahead into the new day. New month. New year =)

What is next?

Serving God has never been such faith-raising. I remember how comfortable it was whenever I needed cash for a mission trip or getting some big-ticket item, God always provided from within my home: the Father Fund.

It was really easy and I saw that as His means of providing especially when my dad refuses to accept God in a nice way. It was only last year that I resolved to moving in faith.

So last December for my mission trip to Myanmar, a group of loving brothers and sisters chipped in for my trip though I really really never expected it for my birthday! It was the beginning of something new for me, to learn to operate in complete faith and comprehend just how much love that is around me!

Finance is definitely a big issue in serving God but perhaps, He knows it so well that He assures us of His providence as well as not to serve money but God himself only. Money is only a means of glorifying Him.

So this year, having to scrimp and save for church camp and my upcoming Australia trip to Hillsong/Sisterhood has been a journey on the line of Faith. Seeing how God always came through for me only reminded all the more that I will never be able to outgive Him.

After all, I did pray to God to give me no more or less to what I need, that i may never forget Him in the process. Going by Faith has made me realize so much more life to come and I am only beginning to appreciate and understand how things work and go around me.

And before me, I know there'll be issues and matters way bigger than myself, things that only the sovereignty of God can bring to pass. And the pleasing response to Him is to upkeep a devoted heart to Him regardless and offer ALL of myself to Him, for Him.

God is...

I am finally done reading through this book by Derek Prince. A kind sister passed it to me as I shared my desire to pursue a relationship and I am thankful from day one that I dived into this book.

I started off reading this book with a very different goal and as I closed the last chapter, the book has left me with a very different perspective. Derek Prince and his wife Ruth has had probably one of the most painful relationship experiences and yet in their personal sharing of their struggles, they drew out some of the important aspects of a Godly relationship.

Certain Biblical principles were also highlighted by Derek Prince and it has given me a better understanding of God's heart towards our relationship with one another, be it in union or in celibacy. I guess the bottom line for me is Psalm 37:4 -  

Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

In the last chapter, Ruth Prince shared her journey into marriage with Derek Prince. The unexpected twist in this book was that Ruth didn't choose to marry Derek because they had chemistry or that she loved him, but because she loved the Lord and if it is God's will, she will do so. I thought that was really precious, how someone loved the Lord to the point of 'dying' to oneself and the desires of the heart.

Mistakes

Question is not living a life of no mistakes, but rather to live a life learning from the mistakes of others and self along the way.

Life on earth is only but a a preparation for eternity. It is temporal but the lessons learned are forever.

Father I pray that I will man up to acknowledge and process this.
I can only seek forgiveness for what I should not have done.
You've made me stronger than this, please see me through this season.

Conformed or Transformed

One more day and church camp comes to an end, but not before I have to share a sermonette.
Honestly, I don't see how I can pull this one through.

It's not a presentation that you score high marks for great delivery or wow-ing people away with fancy content. It's deeper than that.

It takes a whole lot more prayer and seeking the Lord for Word and Wisdom,
It takes a ton of effort offstage just to stand before the pulpit for that few minutes,
It takes a surrendered heart to God to release the message that He has for His people.

Sounds really simple but I feel inadequate.
I feel I've not sought Him enough, not enough effort put in, not surrendering this message to Him but grappling for control to share what I think may be correct.

Perhaps saying less is better, perhaps nothing at all.

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Today Pastor Lun concluded his 4part series of messages. It was something different today but I suppose God has had this planned. Pastor decided to invite his wife onstage to share on their journey of faith over the years how they have moved from one place to another in terms of their spiritual life, and it was one of ups and downs.

But if I caught the gist of his message right, both their heartbeat and calling are to reach out (radically) to the young people today and though the fact that they were in mega church and even previously being the senior pastor, they rose to answer God's call.

I was blown away from their sharing, how one life could reap the harvest of many more others and a philosophy in life to never trust in the ways of Man but in the ways of God. Their sharing just resounded within me and if I were a new convert, I'd follow them in their ministry. But where He has placed me, there is His purpose and I suppose in time to come, I'll find out.

You fool

Till I really know, I'll remain like a fool.

I guess in His timing.