God is...

I am finally done reading through this book by Derek Prince. A kind sister passed it to me as I shared my desire to pursue a relationship and I am thankful from day one that I dived into this book.

I started off reading this book with a very different goal and as I closed the last chapter, the book has left me with a very different perspective. Derek Prince and his wife Ruth has had probably one of the most painful relationship experiences and yet in their personal sharing of their struggles, they drew out some of the important aspects of a Godly relationship.

Certain Biblical principles were also highlighted by Derek Prince and it has given me a better understanding of God's heart towards our relationship with one another, be it in union or in celibacy. I guess the bottom line for me is Psalm 37:4 -  

Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

In the last chapter, Ruth Prince shared her journey into marriage with Derek Prince. The unexpected twist in this book was that Ruth didn't choose to marry Derek because they had chemistry or that she loved him, but because she loved the Lord and if it is God's will, she will do so. I thought that was really precious, how someone loved the Lord to the point of 'dying' to oneself and the desires of the heart.

Oh Dear Hannah

“Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” - 1 Samuel 1.


1. I wouldn't justify myself getting a second wife because the first could not bear children as the Lord had closed her womb. Then again, it was all part of God's sovereign plan. Her imperfection does not justify my right to give less than 100% of myself.


2. Elkanah obviously still loved Hannah despite her imperfection as the Lord had closed her womb. He gave her double portion. Loving her in her imperfection.


3. Hannah's refusal to stop weeping and not partake food and expressing a downcast self has only frustrated Elkanah. It begets the question if Elkanah even took notice of the real source of Hannah's sorrow and attempt to be there for her. Hannah eventually did obey Elkanah and ate, but she sought the Lord thereafter in her distress. Sometimes, the issue can only be resolved by God Himself. I have to avail myself and understand her in her plight/situation.

Samuel defined - Because I have asked him of the Lord.

1 Sam 1:28 -  Parents are only stewards of God's people/children. Hannah kept her part of the bargain and after weaning Samuel, she left him in the house of the Lord to serve.

Sowing the Seed

God, tonight I have done my part in initiating and taking the first step.

I do not know how the coming sessions will turn out, I don't know eventually it will work.

But 1 thing I know, is to go by Faith and Trusting You.
Lord, simply because You love so much more than I do.

Father there is no conditions to Your love and I pray that I may love through Your love.
God this is Your work and I want to do things Your way.
Lastly, I pray that I'll learn much too in the process of this mentoring.

God I pray not for the perfect partner, but that You transform me to be the ideal one.
Because with You, ALL things are possible.

To Love like You Love Me.

Amen.

~ God You keep reminding me of going by faith this day. Then help me Lord and while others fear stepping out into a new opportunity, the winner (in You) fears missing out on it.

The Beauty of His Creation

Oh, my dear friend! You're so beautiful! 

And your eyes so beautiful—like doves!~ Song of Solomon 1:15

Allow me to gaze and behold your beauty, for as long as life can be.

The Word of God ~ The Source of Life; The life of the Source ~ Jesus Christ.

Crossroads

How I feel after 48 hours of this weekend.

God has placed 2 unique and independent events in my life.

Is this His sign?

Seemingly Impossible

The more I hear and the more I know,
the more it just seems so impossible.
Even though it may not be workable,
I know I can trust that God is able.

I will hold on and I will press on,
I pray that I will keep praying and seeking.
I hear many different opinions and counsels,
but all of them just seem to be so carnal and humanly right.

God, I want Your way, not Man's.

A Godly Woman

¹⁰ An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She looks for wool and flax
And works with her ^[h]hands ^[i]in delight.
¹⁴ She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And ^[j]portions to her maidens.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From ^[k]her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds ^[l]herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
¹⁸ She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her ^[m]hands grasp the spindle.
²⁰ She ^[n]extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And ^[o]supplies belts to the ^[p]tradesmen.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the ^[q]future.
²⁶ She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the ^[r]teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who ^[s]fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her the ^[t]product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

All the attributes to look for in a life partner =)

Love is in the air

This season of months has been weddings after weddings.
Truly they are the closest example we can get of God's love.

And that lovey-dovey feeling that comes with it, I know one thing for sure it ain't gonna last.
My point here? Love isn't just a feeling but a decision.

Here's a sharing I like to post here and hope it will bless you:

10 Keys to Relationship by Pastor Benny Ho.
The general passage was taken from Gen. 24:10-67 in the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

1. Wisdom in seeking counsel
2. Equally Yoked
3. Beauty of purity
4. Principle of shared inheritance
5. Presence of willingness
6. Key of Prayer
7. Virtue of kindness
8. Need for family blessing
9. Principle of timing
10. Hang around the 'well'

I pray that I will not look for the perfect partner, but strive to be the one.
The one who will please God.

Durian Delight

A great day and a great trip!

Awesome food, fellowship and fun!

It definitely was a good buy of Scrabble Dash!
Had so much fun playing with Rachel and Sarah all the way from Jusco till on the PIE back to church.
And durians were just oooohhhhhhhh...counted more than 30 that I ate!
Dinner was not too bad, the fellowship just made up for the quality of the food!

And there was little or no jam, something really to thank God for.
Plus it threatened to rain when we reached the plantation, but eventually the sky cleared!

For those who missed the trip, I can only say please come for the next trip!!!
Especially with all the YAY! people on a bus!!! It's just so much more fun!!!

On a side note, developments have taken a strange turn and I'm watching what God is doing.
I would use to pray for a relationship with a particular person.
Now I find myself praying that God brings a partner whom He wants me to serve alongside with,
to give our lives together to His glory.
And God, I pray that I do just that. Amen.

Face(less)book

As I begin my 40-day fast journey with the many other like-minded Christians in Singapore, this year is especially a meaningful one for me personally as I fast and pray for the YAY (Young Adults and Youth) Ministry and myself.

Several key emphasis would be:
- My career/calling in life since I'm a step away from graduation
- My relationship life since I've been *abstaining* from it as I really want to enter into one that God calls me
- My devotion to Jesus since all along I think I'm still not 100% surrendered
- The YAY Ministry to see the "DOWNPOUR" that God has hinted to us

Fasting from:
-Facebook for the next 40days hence I probably will expect a lot of blasting from people as to why I'm not responding
- 7am-7pm food fast at least once a week

I must be wary that fasting isn't about me trying to keep to it because I have to but that I fast because I want to devote myself to praying and interceding and be sensitive to God's voice. Someone wise told me that I'm very poor in relationship handling and a long time ago, another told me that I should learn to be more diplomatic in handling people.

I thank God for people willing to point out my hindsights to me (they are called blindspots for a reason). At the same time, I attribute my present self as a result of growing up in a home that showed no expressions of love but only anger and dissatisfaction. I can only pray that I will not carry this into my own future family and be mindful of the mistakes that I've gone through previously. I know only God can give me the grace to see me through.

This year is interestingly a time for me to grow in specific areas of my life and I'm praying/watching for it. Lord, please don't pass me by. I want to grow in You and love You more. Help me.

By wisdom a house is built...

During my last exams season, a sister(in Christ) had a verse for me.

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14.

And yes, now I stand to testify that He really delivered me.
I know it's not a big change but surely, I see God's hand in this.

And after tonight, I definitely have much to re-evaluate and not just evaluate.

I know I have my weaknesses and flaws.
I am only but a sinner, saved through grace by faith in Jesus Christ.
That's who I really am, a child of God.

The rest of it all? Doesn't really matter.

Next Level

This has been on my mind for quite some time already, but I guess it'll still be quite a while before I get my answer.

I feel like I'm reaching the next level.
Quite like choosing which potential school to enrol in.
Like having to choose the next phone to use.
Like having to decide if bread/kopi or Big Breakfast.

Nevertheless, I'm trusting God and I know whatever choices I make,
that the Lord has prepared it before I knew.
Whatever it is, I pray that it'll be glorifying to You Lord.
Here is my willing heart, I give it all to You.

=)

My heart's desire

Confided in another close friend today was a relief. Though this issue is very very important to me, I know it's not urgent. I choose to believe God has His best plans and the Lord knows it all.

I choose to devote my time and effort to serve and honour Him because at the end of it all, it is God's providence for me that matters.

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Mat 6:33

I choose not to succumb to social pressures and reasonings, only You Lord I will follow =)

More than words

More than words is all you have to do to make it real,

then you wouldn't have to say that you love me,

cause I'd already know.

Been an interesting day, particularly ending it with a short conversation with one of my mentoring leaders on the way back to school. It was really an unexpected opinion and I honestly don't wish to accept it (in a good way).

Nevertheless, Lord lead me in Your plans. The plans You have for me. I shall have no fears; no worries. No doubt it may seem like I'm putting all my hopes on it, I know I put my hope in You, that if it is Your very will You will see it through till the end.

It's not about me, it's all about You Jesus =)

Not that I want to

People say time heals. I beg to differ.

Anyway, it is/was very hurtful and it still is.

I don't see a way that I can get over it unless I move away.

That's really something I wish I can do, but I still want to do what God wants me to do.

Sigh, God release me from this stronghold...
You are almightly and nothing is able to limit You.
I believe and I claim it but yet I don't see it.
According to Your will, please do something...